Ass In a Can Part Deux

Just discovered I wasn't the first to put a Bud & Clamato taste test on YouTube. YouTube recommends several other videos if you watch mine from their site. I can't find one positive review. Most have a similar reaction to mine. Here's Sonya pretending like she liked this stuff.

Budweiser and Clamato

This shit has fucking shellfish in it. What the fuck? What the FUCK???!!!!

This is no exaggeration. I've thrown up in my mouth about 5 times...looking at the fucking can makes me sick. I can't get the taste out of my mouth. It ruined my dinner. About 10 minutes after drinking this, I went back in the kitchen, saw the can and immediately started tasting this flat mixture of beer, tomato juice and clams. No one should subject themselves to this kind of bullshit. This Bud and Clamato mix is stuck somewhere in the back of my throat. I can't get the taste out. I just finished a Sierra Nevada and I'm still tasting that clammy tomato concoction.

No doubt, this is a F-. They also make a Bud Light and Clamato mixture...I can't imagine something tasting worse, but since it's Bud Light and not the King, it's got to be bad.




I can't think of anything that would be worse than this mixture. Here are a few mixtures I'd rather try:

-Skunked Colt .45 mixed w/ V8 and a bottle of Boone's Strawberry Hill
-A warmed 64oz OE mixed with a bottle of the green Tabasco
-Flat Natty Light with a can of tuna soaking in it
-Beast Light mixed with Strawberry Quik

It always ends in tears...

They really didn't want to leave the beach.

St. Pauli NA

I really don't understand why one would buy non-alcoholic beer. You can't argue that it's because you enjoy the taste of beer, as not a single non-alcoholic beer actually tastes like it's alcohol bearing cousin--beer. NA is merely the 'essence of beer' or imitation beer. St. Pauli's NA is in the elite class of imptorted NA, which includes beers such as Beck's Haake Beck or Guiness's Kaliber. You could say these beers are a step-up from American NAs, such as Busch NA or Old Milwaukee NA....but really, they're not.

St Pauli's NA had a very odd taste...like a fruity, skunked, watered down beer. Throw a strawberry in a can of Bud Light, let it set in the sun all day, chill it, bottle and price at $7 per six pack, then you've got St. Pauli's NA.

Overall Grade: F
PQ: 0

NASCAR Strategies

NASCAR Coach Reveals Winning Strategy: 'Drive Fast'

Climbing

Decided earlier in the week to go over to Maui and climb Mt. Haleakala. It's not an easy climb. The ride starts at sea level and climbs to 10,000+ feet over the course of 36 miles. Original plan called for a climb in March, giving me a couple of months to work on my climbing skills, but on Monday a couple of the guys decided to go next weekend...so I immediately cashed in a 2-day pass in order to cram in as much climbing as possible over the course of the next week. Today we did a 43 mile ride, covering 5 hills in the Aiea area. The highest elevation we reached was 1200'...I haven't found a road in Oahu that goes above 1500'. What these roads lack in elevation, they make up for it in steepness...we routinely hit grades of 12-15%, and the last climb of the day peaked at 20%. Total elevation gain on the day was 4200', and we spent about 14 miles actually climbing...tough ride, but I have a long way to go. I tried to capture the steepness with these photos, but you don't really know how steep it is until you heart's beating 180bpm and you're struggling to keep your bike rolling in a straight line.

Luckily, our Haleakala trip hit a logistical snag. We built our plans around taking the Hawaiian Superferry in order to have the right support vehicles...however, our Sunday evening return trip was cancelled due to the lack of coordination between the ferry people, the local government, hippy protesters and humpback whales. All our backup options were cost-prohibitive...so now, I've got 2 months to prep.

We're not seafaring people

Rented a boat.
Weather was crappy.
Water was choppy.
Fun at first.
Jack got seasick.
I drove up on some reef.
Probably damaged the engine.
Definitely destroyed some coral.
No one had fun, except for Carter.

Chuggability

Today started off with a long bike ride...about 63 miles, 10 of which was climbing and the rest was rode at a race pace...ridiculously fast and I burned over 2800 calories according to my HRM. The rest of the day I spent trying to replenish those calories. Started with a 1/2 lb bacon cheeseburger, fries and 32 ounces of coke. For some reason, a good hamburger is my favorite recovery food. Late in the evening, I decided to move on to beer. In order to get all the calories in, I knew I had to drink fast. So, I reached for the most chuggable beer in the house...that's right, Bud Heavy. On the chuggability scale of 1-10, Bud Heavy is clearly a 10.

Last week, Sonya and I had a chugging contest. Our beer stockpile down to 1 Coors Light, the Michelob Sampler Pack, and a Porter homebrew. I asked Sonya for a Pale Ale, thinking that would be the most chuggable beer (aside from the Coors Light I deferred to her). She went in the kitchen and made the pour. I didn't pay attention to the color of my beer, assuming she'd pour the Pale Ale like I asked. In a move of tactical deception, she gave me a Bavarian Wheat instead. This was a good move on her part, as the wheat beer is not very chuggable. I had a hard time getting it down and had to stop midway through the glass....luckily, Sonya's chugging skills have deteriorated and she stopped at the same time. We were both halfway. After nearly puking, I called Sonya a cheater and asked her to swap glasses for round two. I took the rest of the Coors Light down in an instant, while she choked on the wheat beer. We learned two things that night...1) Coors Light ranks a 9 on the chuggability scale and the Bavarian Wheat is a 4, and 2) I'm the chugging champ of the Lindsey house.

There are a couple of factors important to chuggability. First and foremost is that the beer must be light. No way I could chug a double bock, stout or porter. Lagers are clearly the most chuggable. As for Ales, I think I could chug something like a Bass or New Castle...maybe a Sierra Nevada. Secondly, the beer needs to have a decent taste. So, for that reason, Bud Heavy is probably the most chuggable beer for me. Even though Bud Light or Coors Light are like water, they don't have the taste.

King in a Can and Sam Adams Winter

This is an update to my post on King in a Can. Sonya bought some Bud Heavy this week. At $5.20 a six-pack, the price was a bit high. With it's grade of B, this purchase had a PQ=41.5. That's pretty good, and the PQ will only go up as the price goes down. My first tasting of Bud Heavy was no fluke, this stuff is a solid B...a good all-purpose beer. Note that I did not photograph in a glass. You never pour your Bud Heavy...that's a diss to the King.

I also had a Sam Adams Winter Lager. As always, a quality beer from the folks out of Boston. I think this is the best of the variety pack, and this ranks right up there with the Sam Adams Octoberfest as one of their better brews.
Overall Grade: A
PQ=47.2

Sam Adams Cranberry Lambic

This is a style of beer that I'm not too familiar with. I've had a few Lambics, but never seek them out. I'm also not a huge fan of brewing with fruit, although I'm open to try those beers. I could definitely taste the cranberries here, and there was little doubt this is a wheat beer. Not bad. It's worth trying again.

Overall Grade: B-
PQ = 38.7

Sam Adams Holiday Porter

Looks like a Porter, tastes like a Porter. This one was hoppy and didn't have the buttery feel of the Michelob Porter. Very smooth. Porters are quickly becoming one of my favorite beer styles. Not sure why this is "holiday porter", as it didn't have a particularly unique holiday taste...not like the cinnamon, ginger and orange of the fezziwinkle beer.

Overall Grade: A
PQ = 47.2

Sam Adams--Old Fezziwig Ale

This one came out of the Sam Adams Winter Classics variety pack. Picked this one up from Costco for $22.99 + $1.44 HI beverage deposit for a case. That's a PPO of $.0848. Not bad for a case of beer out in HI.

As you can see this is a dark ale. It's only available around Christmas time, no big surprise as it takes its name from some gimmicky Dickens' character. This is definitely a Christmas beer, and not one you'd really want to drink year round. The alcohol content is a little higher than your standard Sam Adams, weighing in at 5.9%. Its distinct flavor comes from the cinnamon, orange and ginger additives. These additives leave a burning sensation on the lips.

This is a good beer. It's spicy and strong, good for cold winter nights. Honestly, Christmas beer just doesn't feel right in Hawaii. I'm not looking for a drink to "warm me up". Still, can't deny this is good, so I turned down the A/C to help get me in the mood. Overall Grade: A-

PQ=43.6

The King in a Can

Was at a party yesterday and was given a choice of beer...Bud Heavy or Bud Light...in a can. Based upon last week's experience with the Bud Light, I opted for the Bud Heavy. I honestly haven't tried Bud Heavy since a part we held my Junior year of College. We got a keg of Bud Heavy. I drank about 5 x 40oz mugs in a short period of time and passed out on the kitchen floor.

Naturally I was a bit apprehensive about beer from a can. I must say the classic styling of Bud Heavy's can gives it a 1970s sort of feel to beer drinking.

I was surprised. I actually like the taste of Bud Heavy in a can. So much so, that I went for two. Unliked the watery taste of Bud Light, you can taste the Hops in this beer-product (still does not adhere to the German Purity Law). Overall Grade: B-. PQ is undefined since I didn't buy this beer...but I will soon! Since the beer is cheap, I'm sure it will have a very high PQ.

Hot Toddy and New Year's Bike Ride

Took Keith's advice and gave up on the NyQuil and other night-time cold/flu formulas. Sonya mixed up a lemon, honey and hotwater concoction. I consulted my Mr. Boston's bartending guide and discovered the Hot Toddy...Jim Beam was my choice of bourbons. Worked amazingly well at clearing up my throat. Also had a more pleasant taste than the straight Jim Beam I was gargling earlier in the day...although, I must say it also did a great job.

Overall Grade: A
PQ: Too difficult to calculate, since I eyeballed the JB shot I poured and can't remmeber what I paid for the bottle.

I thought I was fully recovered this morning, so I set out on a 60+ mile ride with a couple of guys. After the toughest climb of the ride, about 12 miles into the ride, I had very little energy left and was getting dropped hard. (I'm still trying to kick this sore throat and couldn't put out my normal effort). Not wanting to go over the Pali Highway and be committed to the full 60 miles, I had to bail. Too bad, since I brought the camera to get some shots of the Pali descent and ride along the windward coast. I did manage to get a good workout with about 35 miles of riding. Had to snap one picture anyway, as proof that I did ride on January 1st...not too many times in my life will I be able to do this without bundling up.

Bud Light from Keg

I'll save the backstory, but we ended up at a party serving Bud Light from a keg. I use the term party loosely, as it was a total of about 6 people, and at least 1 wasn't drinking. The party host asked for us to chip in. Sonya offered $5, thinking we'd each drink a beer, but he demanded $5 more. I think he was expecting a bigger turnout. Despite the small turnout and small kids running around, a couple of the drinkers got tore up...like college freshmen or highschoolers exposed to alcohol for the first time. It reminded me of the time that a couple of guys with mullets showed up at one of our parties with a funnel, a case of "Natty Ice" and some "Takillya" (their words). I had very little tolerance for these shenanigans when I was 21, as we removed them from the party after mullet #2 threw up on our front porch....ok, now back the the beer. Well, Bud Light isn't technically beer according to the Reinheitsgebot (German Purity Law) adopted in 1516, since it contains additives such as rice. Well, the host poured me a 22 oz glass after proudly proclaiming that he was on his 23rd beer and was pissed because he "didn't have a buzz yet." I drank about half of it before I poured it out and took the kids home to bed. So there you go, $10 for about 6 ounzes of beer. For PQ purposes, I used 36 ounzes, to account for all that was poured for Sonya and myself.

Appearance: Dirty water
Smell: My piss after a long night of drinking real beer
Taste: Tainted water
Mouthfeel: Carbonated water
Drinkability: goes down quickly
Overall Grade: D
PQ=3.7