Thursday, May 20, 2010

9 Worst Beers?

Esquire recently published a list of the nine worst beers on Earth.

Sonya claims to love the Bud & Clamato, I on the otherhand couldn't stomach it. Truly the foulest stuff ever. If I couldn't stand a decent mass-market brew (Bud Heavy, aka the King in a Can) mixed with tomato juice, clam juice and lime, there's no way I could handle light piss beer mixed with tomato juice, clam juice and lime.

7-11's Game Day light looks like pure class in a can. I see they have the ever popular "Ice" version as well as your standard light. If I invite you over to my house, and you're bringing beer, make it a Game Day.

Rock Ice looks like the standard beer you'd buy in a country not known for beer...Korea's Cass, Thailand's Singha and Turkey's Efes come to mind. This stuff is "Ice" to boot...I thought Ice beers died off in the 90s with Zima? I'm getting a headache just looking at this one.

If I ever make it to Canada, the first beer I'm trying is Sleeman Clear. Any beer described as "Clear" has got to be good. Plus, it's modeled here next to a Thomas the Tank Engine's not Thomas, Percy, Gordon or one of the cool trains. It's some loser yellow train, I guess to show us that the color of beer is an even lighter yellow.

I've got extensive experience with the Fruity NAs. I also have extensive experience drinking shitty light beer. But, the Michelob Ultra Pomegranate Rasbperry looks like it could be the foulest of the would be what Oprah would drink if Oprah drank beer. Ignoring the Oprah factor, I don't think I could try this one, as Fruity NAs will bring up some bad this one.

Camo High Gravity Lager is more of a Malt Liquor, which is in a category of its own. Although I loved the theory of a 40oz in my younger days, I never could pull it off. The theory was great, go buy 1 high alcohol content brew for a couple of bucks, put it in a brown paper bag to be discreet, and get F'd up. What's wrong with that? Plus, all the gangsta rappers were doing it back in the day, and they were just flat out cool. In reality, I could only handle 40s of Bud...but I could never finish off the swill at the bottom. It just got too warm for me. Malt Liquor sucks...and I could put just about any malt liquor on this list. Esquire just got lazy and couldn't name 9 shitty beers.

MGD 64...the low carb/low calorie beer craze boggles my mind, just like Diet Coke. If you're going to kill the flavor, why bother?

Samuel Adams Cranberry Lambic...apparently I thought this one wasn't all that bad. I have had some bad experiences with Cranberry Lambics of late. Blue and Gray's Cranberry Lambic was a red and cloudy mess full of cranberry chunks and super sour. It was foul, and far worse than Sam Adams' offering.

Olde English 800...aka the eightball. Once again, Esquire got lazy and had to mention another malt liquor. OE is one of the kings of malt liquor, right up there with Colt .45....even gets a mention from Eazy E in his classic "Boyz n the Hood"

Beer's I would've included:
-Natural Light
-Natty Ice
-Milwaukee's Best
-Milwaukee's Best Ice
-Duckrabbit Milk Stout
-Any gluten free beer

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