Jack Daniel

Visited the Jack Daniel's Distillery last week. Due to "high security", I was only able to smuggle out this picture of the highly sensitive operation in Lynchburg, TN.

Our tour guide was very proud of the "high security" and Jack Daniel's Distillery...she managed to repeat herself quite frequently on the rules imposed by high security, especially in the wake of the moron car bomber in Times Square.

We were allowed to take pictures outside, but were not allowed to do so with cell phones. Presumably, they did not want Near-Real-Time imagery of the highly sensitive Lincoln County Process to be disseminated all over the interwebs. Such time sensitive information would give the enemies at Al Qaeda and Jim Beam valuable insights on this sensitive operation.

Pictures with regular cameras are OK, but can't be taken indoors, where all the action happens. A high-resolution photo of a fermenting tank, may give Al Qaeda or Jim Beam details on the special strain of yeast used by Jack Daniels. Beam has been known to perform forensics and a DNA-level analysis of many yeast strains, then send their agents back to the distillery back with specially crafted anti-yeast compounds to create a massive yeast infection, thus resulting in the downfall of many a whiskey. One well-known victim of Beam's espionage is Jeremiah Weed. Weed used to be the smoothest blend of whiskey, now it's the most vile alcohol known to man and is only drank by fighter pilots who really don't know any better.

The tour was nice. I learned a lot about Jack. The tour guide was great, continually repeating herself, so all the information sunk in. Unfortunately, no sipping is allowed in the dry County of Moore. We did get to inhale some of the fumes from the Lincoln County Processer...very potent. It burned my throat for the rest of the day.