Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Efes Malt Beverage

I got the urge to review some bad-tasting beer, so I picked up some NAs my last time downtown.  The fruity NAs I bought back in July are still in my fridge...the Bud Green Apple NA has made me leery of fruity NAs.  This fear has driven me back to drinking good old-fashioned alcohol free beer.  Efes is a beer I first tried back in Incirlik, Turkey.  There were 2 beers available downtown, Efes and Tuborg.  They also had the "Tuborg Special" which came in a red can.  It allegedly had a higher alcohol content than the black bottle Tuborg, but neither were marked...so as far as I'm concerned, the high alcohol content was just a legend.  Tuborg was the far superior beer, and at the time seemed drinkable.  Efes was pure pisswater.  It's one of the worst beers I've ever had.  It's been 8+ years since I've tried one, and I can't quite describe the taste...I do know that I wasn't able to finish my first can.  If the law of NA holds true, Efes Malt Beverage will make me spew my chow hall dinner all over this computer screen.  I opened the can shortly before sitting down to type this review...I'm starting the review before the sip, so I can capture my pre-drink thoughts.  Truthfully, the beer smells horrendous, and I'm afraid to taste it.  The taste of Efes Malt Beverage may drive me to opening up a Holsten Pomegranate just to cleanse the palate.  The smell is a mixture of skunked beer and rotten tomatoes...sort of reminds me of Bud & Clamato, only without the clam. 
It's been about 15 minutes since I opened the can...still stalling, googling Efes.  Their English website is still under construction.  If you can read Turkish, here's their official site.  I noticed on their corporate site that they also brew a beer called Marmara...I vaguely remember drinking it in Istanbul and thinking it was OK, even good when stacked up against Efes.  They didn't server Marmara in Incirlik.
Just checked a co-workers NA beer ratings....of 34 NAs he's rated, Efes NA ranks #33.  He ranks DAB NA #1, just above Haake Beck and St Pauli NA.
This is going to suck.
Some more websurfing...apparently they do have an English website.  It's called Dream in Efes...I clicked on the "Eye Candies" link to see what would happen.  Weird...there's a girl holding a rope, a guy holding a stick of fire, a girl on a magic carpet, a mermaid, and a dude on a stage looking like an American Idol contestant.  That's the Efes dream?
Ok..enough stalling.   Here goes...
I just took several sips trying to discern the taste. It's very hard to describe.  It's like a mixture of dishwater and beer and is only slightly more drinkable than the Bud Green Apple.  Time to head to the bar to get a Warsteiner...if for only to get this taste out of my mouth. 
Grade =  F
PQ = 0

1 comment:

Louis Winthorpe III said...

The PQ is back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Really, though, why would you torture yourself like that... Do you want me to send you some books to read?