Strap's Blog

not your internet source for strap-ons

2011-12-23T13:30:00.006-10:00

a little bored this evening, so i decided to look at google analytics and see who has viewed this rarely updated blog in the past 3 months, and if they did look at it, how did they get here?

most are looking for something called a "strap-on" , and think that a blog called strapsblog would be the definitive source for all things strap-on. unfortunately for would be strapper-onners, it is not. strap is a nickname i picked up back in '98. few people call me strap, but it's the only other handle i've ever had (so to speak).

'garlic hangover' is the most popular single search term, however if i added up all the various permutations of strap-on, i know it would be beaten.

here are a few of my favorite search terms:
domestic strapon blog
christians view on dildos
awkward man hugs
peeing in a bottle in a car

mosterboobs.blogs strap on
are dildos ok for christians
i just opened a michelob ultra and it tastes like paint thinner

and my personal favorite:
honolulu prostate ass strap

yes, someone in hawaii is looking for something called a prostate ass strap. hope they found what they were looking for at another site.

2005 Christmas Letter

2011-12-23T08:30:00.001-10:00

Cleaning up a removable harddrive and found this Christmas letter we sent in 2005.

---------------------

We’re sitting here on a Saturday night, trying to determine our level of consciousness. After listening to Dr. Hawkins discuss the map of consciousness, we’re both eager to get calibrated. We’re in need of a verified teacher over 400.…do you know of any? How high would you calibrate a groundhog? I would say they calibrate fairly high on the scale of 1-1000...certainly over 200, the level of truth and integrity. They’re a dedicated lot that enjoy doing their ground hogging all day. Say what you will about the Japanese during WWII, but the Kamikaze pilots calibrated to around 390, due to the honor, integrity and love of country that drove them to their actions….same with the Luftwaffe, they calibrated somewhere in the 300s. Phoenix is certainly in the 400s…not quite to the level of enlightenment (600), but up there with a lot of the greats.

Well, that’s just some of the things we’ve learned lately….maybe a lot of info here, but here are some other tidbits of info you might find useful:

1) A lot of modern ailments are due to dehydration. Heart burn, for instance can be cured by drinking more water…sea salt is another good cure. The rule of thumb is that you should drink 1oz for every 2lbs of body weight…for example, if you weigh 200lbs, you should drink 100oz’s of water per day. For optimal health, mix ¼ teaspoon of sea salt into each quart of water. Make sure it’s sea salt, and not the table variety. Table salt has 3 minerals, whereas you get 50+ in sea salt.

2) Americans have gotten so fat in recent years, so needles for giving injections in the buttocks are now made longer.

3) The moment of our death is karma-cly determined when we are born. No matter what you do, you will die on this preset date. However, you have no way of knowing this date…well, I think if you reached the level of avatar (985), surely you could. This is all FACT…and is proven. You can check that out.

4) You should strive to have 3 bowel movements per day.

Hopefully some of this stuff has helped you in your quest for enlightenment…have you been calibrated lately? Unfortunately, our level of consciousness is determined at birth, Karma-cly I suppose, and we can only hope to vary by 5 points throughout our lifetime…so, what that means is that if you hope to attain enlightenment in this lifetime, you must’ve been born at 595 and hope for the full 5 point gain. I haven’t heard of many people (other than Jesus and Buddha) that were even in the 500s--Winston Churchill was a 510.

Merry Christmas,

ruining the view for somebody

2011-12-02T14:49:00.000-10:00

SM100 2011

2011-09-22T13:16:00.004-10:00

it's been a few weeks since labor day, but i thought i'd write a bit about the SM100...mainly so that i'll have something to look back on in the winter that will aid my decision on whether to do the race in 2012. before and immediately after the race, i swore that i'd go out to stokesville, ride a bit and volunteer for the 2012 edition. a week later, i was talking to a guy i met while sonya was running a trail half marathon at douthat state park. he did the race as well, and i found myself talking about next year.

last year:

-got in some good training following pro Chris Eatough's training plan

-had 4 or 5 good mountain rides before the race

-weather was near perfect starting in the low 50s and not getting out of the 70s during the race

-finished in just over 11 hours, even after drinking 4 Dogfish 90 minute IPAs the night before

this year:

-blew off nearly all my long training rides

-most short rides were commutes, most trail rides were wakefield (easy urban singletrack)

-it was hot and humid at the race

-had 4 random beers the night before

night before the race, camped with chris, jim and whit...all first timers. after a short 2 hour ride, and after looking at the weather forecast i was dreading the race. went ahead and enjoyed some of the great brews provided by the race sponsors, sat around and bullshat until about 10pm. got a little sleep, since some jackasses nearby decided to talk all night.

got through the pre-race routine. brought my own breakfast and toilet paper (lesson learned from last year), lined up feeling good.

good pace up the first climb. first singletrack section was a logjam as usual. it's not that hard to ride, but is almost unrideable with that many people trying to make it through. back out on the road, got in a good paceline up until the lynn trail section. was unable to ride last year due to the fact that it's 1) steep, rooty and a downright difficult climb and 2) there were so many people walking. maybe i could ride it if there was noone in front of me, but that wasn't the case. pushed up most the way. descent down the wolf trail was kickass, good flow, awesome. something clicked this year and i wasn't getting passed on the descents. in fact, passed a lot of people going downhill. saw a dude break a collarbone, also as i told a guy i was going by on his left, i heard a whimpering "okay, go." hammered down the lower section, nice twisty smooth singletrack. got with another group for the long road ride to aid station #2...refilled the camelback (first sign that it was a hot one) and got back moving--a short NASCAR style pit. ran into adventure race buddy Hayne on the road, chatted a bit, made the turn to start the Hanky climb and slipped on a patch of mud next to the gate. fell, and immediately cramped getting back up. at mile 33 of a 100miler this wasn't good, especially since i had a 7 mile steeper than shit climb to make it up. shook off the cramp and started the slog to the top. eventually rejoined Hayne, passed him since he was on a singlespeed and was quickly out of gearing. sweat a gallon by the time i made it to the top. began the descent...tricky at the top, lots of people walking. with my newfound descending confidence, decided to ride. ended up catching another dude trying to descend, blindly followed his wheel as we jumped down 2-3 foot rock ledges. heard some folks cheering "yeah, you made it" and noticed there was a medic station at the bottom of the ledge section. the payoff for making it through that section is about 4-5 miles of some of the best downhill riding in VA. flew down to AS3, reloaded the Camelback yet again, and began the Braley loop...this loop was my nemesis last year, as i walked a lot of the climb. uphill rock gardens suck. prerode it a couple weeks prior and was able to ride it, but i did it with fresh legs. no such luck on race day. still managing cramps, tried to bridge up to a teammate i saw on the road section so that i'd have someone to ride with on the loop...no luck. hit the singletrack and noticed it was super muggy in that area, trails were wet, rooty, much messier than 2 weeks prior. someone ahead of me slipped and got off her bike, but i was unable to react and ended up hitting her rear wheel, had to put a foot down...caused a cramp. that began a period of hike-a-bike/ride that i continued until the top of the climb. it was hot, muggy and there were lots of folks sitting and resting next to the trail. seemed like it took forever to get to the top. started my descent and slipped in the first rock garden. got back up and continued downhill. heard some rattling and the bike felt unstable. looked down at my rear shock and noticed an unusual amount of bouncing. thought for sure i had a broken shock. was somewhat relieved...thought that the mechanical incident would be a good excuse to DNF. got to the bottom of the hill, asked for a mechanic. told him for sure my shock was broken. he got on, jumped around. said it was fine. i asked him to check again. it was a crazy rattle. discovered it was a CO2 cartridge rattling around in my now broken seat bag. felt like a dumbass, but told him it felt unstable. come to find out, my front wheel skewer had become loose. that could've been ugly. was relieved for it to be fixed, not relieved to ride on. took off out of AS4 and a dude rolls up to me, asks how he should bail out of the race. i give him directions back to the Stokesville campground. we talk for a bit. the heat was getting him, as it was me. thought about joining him. we pacelined for a bit, i see the turnoff...just 4 miles back to base camp, or 35 more miles of mainly climbing. fought the urge to quit, continued to roll up the hill slowly. hit the switchback to start the deathclimb and saw a 10 year old kid. a few minutes later, he rolls up next to me and says this is a tough climb. i try to hang, he drops me as it gets steeper. eventually make it to the aid station. talk to some teammates who look like they're also in bad shape. ate some pizza, pushed on. climbed through the 17 meadow mind-fuck. elated to be at the top, the highest point of the race. took a celebratory piss and ate a cliff bar. begin the descent, which sucks, as there are a lot of steep climbs that were unrideable for me at this point. finally get to the nice flowy descent, start to bomb it. heard a loud gunshot, feel something graze my ear. thought for sure i was being shot at. immediate instinct to pedal harder. looked down...oh shit, flat...it was my tube exploded. tire looked shredded. pissed, thought this was going to be the DNF. luckily the tire remained intact. pissed to have to fix a flat. couldn't get much pressure in the tire, nursed it down to the aid station. loaded up on air to begin the last 12 miles. incorrectly remembered it to be a short climb and a fun descent...climb seemed to take forever. eventually crossed the line in just over 12 hours.

the look on this picture tells you what kind of day i had.

so, jury's still out on next year.

redemption

2011-07-03T05:50:00.004-10:00

it's been 2 years since my last good placing in a bike race

last year, coulda, shoulda, woulda taken 2nd or 3rd.

much better weather this year, and i had a better strategy....keep the bike moving.

last year, the nutrition plan was good. showed up with the same stuff.

started out much stronger, throwing down 58 minute laps for the first 2. i passed a couple guys in my category. checked the standings this time, noticed i was in a strong 2nd place. didn't take a break until after 3 laps when i saw sonya and the boys near the pit area. they told me that ants had invaded my cooler. i was down to only 1 peanut butter and nutella sandwich to get me through the race. i salvaged a sandwich, shoved it in my face and took off for 2 more laps. cramps set in during lap 5. took a short pit. at that point i mentally checked out of the race. only thing that kept me going was the standings. top 3 guys within a 15 minute spread. shoved some chips in my mouth, ate an ant-infested pb & nutella and headed back out barely clinging onto 2nd. pit again after lap 6. saw i was in 3rd...dude must've passed me while i was pitting. was now walking more climbs. sonya was back at the pit area after lap 8 with a caramel frappucino and a sandwich i requested. frappucino was the perfect blend of sweet, cold and caffeine....my new goto endurance drink. sandwich made me want to puke. almost quit. sonya asked what i'd win, and i admitted that i was destroying my body for a pint glass and a $30 gift certificate. at this point, i was in a solid 3rd, but i knew the 4th place guy would have a chance at going out for a 9th lap. if i rode at a consistent pace, i could start my 10th lap before the 7pm cutoff and go for the win. lap 8 was a slog, and i knew that lap 9 couldn't be much better and 10 would be painful. so, i went out a littler slower than usual, knowing i wouldn't be caught by #4, but fighting the temptation to score a glass with a #1 or #2 on it. came across the line at 7:04 pm with 9 laps, just missing the cutoff. one guy did 10, so i coulda pushed it a little harder and done a 10th lap for 2nd...but beer and pizza was calling my name.

haven't touched a bike in over a week, the longest riding drought in a couple of years. that one completely destroyed my body. now that i proved something to myself...mainly that i'm crazy enough to turn my body inside out for another pint glass...i can go back to riding on relay teams.

It was a great season for denim.

2011-04-08T14:12:00.001-10:00

This is as nerdy as we get

2011-04-08T14:11:00.000-10:00

Mud

2011-04-08T14:05:00.002-10:00

2011 has gotten off to a muddy start. I've participated in 2 trail races...both of those runs were in less than optimal conditions. Downpours for the first made the hills and rock gardens treacherous and painful. The 2nd race there was a freak late March snow event...an inch or so of snow, muddy trails and slick wooden bridges. Tomorrow is the first mountain bike race...rain all day today. 13 hours on the trails...time to embrace the mud.

RIP Bootsy II

2011-02-13T13:22:00.000-10:00

no more gray rats named bootsy.

washington monument

2011-02-13T13:18:00.002-10:00

finally made it to the top...picked the coldest and windiest day of the year. we bundled up and fought the crowd of anti-abortioners for our few minutes on top

Top 25 Beers of 2010

2011-01-02T15:44:00.002-10:00

From my ratebeer.com account:

1. Stone Sublimely Self Righteous 4.8

2 Oskar Blues Ten FIDY 4.7

3. Ommegang Abbey Ale 4.7

4. Dogfish Head Squall IPA 4.6

5. Dogfish Head Burton Baton 4.6

6. Victory Storm King Imperial Stout 4.5

7. Lagunitas A Little Sumpin' Wild Ale 4.5

8. Oskar Blues Gubna Imperial IPA 4.5

9. Uerige Doppel Sticke 4.5

10. Oskar Blues Old Chub 4.5

11. Great Divide Oak Aged Yeti Imperial Stout 4.4

12. Gulden Draak 4.4

13. Allagash Black 4.4

14. Troegs Mad Elf Holiday Ale 4.4

15. Stone Double Bastard Ale 4.3

16. Dogfish Head 120 Miute IPA 4.3

17. Flying Dog Double Dog Double Pale Ale 4.3

18. Terrapin Hopsecutioner IPA 4.3

19. Southern Tier Harvest Ale 4.3

20. Sierra Nevada 30th Anniversary 4.2

21. Dogfish Head Bitches Brew 4.2

22. Allagash Tripel Reserve 4.2

23. Sierra Nevada Northern Hemisphere Harvest Wet Hop Ale 4.2

24. Avery The Kaiser Imperial Oktoberfest 4.2

25. Dogfish Head Theobroma 4.2

Snowcommute

2010-12-18T13:33:00.002-10:00

Thursday was the first snow ride of the season. Began my commute as the snow started.

Visibility was low on the way in. Should see the Washington Monument and Lincoln Memorial in this shot.

Got to ride through a couple inches of fresh powder on the way home.

Stayed warm, but earned a eyebrowcicles on both rides.

Protect Your Junk

2010-12-15T16:27:00.002-10:00

sunday it rained, a lot. sunday night was cold and it froze.

debated riding on monday. bug got up and my sidewalk was dry, and it didn't feel too cold...was probably 33 or so. knowing it was going to be cold later in the week, i opted for a pair of knickers better suited for fall weather. i thought i'd save the big heavyweight pants for later in the week. for good measure, i through on some knee warmers and packed a spare jacket.

sometime during the day it got cold...and windy.

added the extra jacket on the way home, but had to go with the same knickers.

the wind was rough. nearly thrown off the bike a couple of times in traffic. scary.

made it home. noticed junk was cold. started to put away my gear. junk started to hurt. fell to ground. had to thaw the junk.

the boys grabbed a snuggie and threw it over me for warmth.

scary event. tuesday was windy and colder. took the metro.

back in the saddle today. it was 19F but not windy. i doubled up...winter tights and windstopper running pants. gotta protect the junk.

Turkey Trot

2010-11-25T15:09:00.002-10:00

We signed up to race the So Others Might Eat Trot For Hunger 5k this morning. When signing up, I thought we'd be fair weather racers. The boys have never done a 5k, and the weather was iffy. I considered our registration fee a donation to a good charity (which it was), so wouldn't be broken hearted with a DNS.

Last night we had friends over to dinner...got to bed around midnight, and knew the forecast was for rain and 45 degree temps. We'd decided to take the DNS, and feel good about our donation while we slept in, and woke up to a nice breakfast.

Carter woke up at 7:45 and asked when we were leaving for the race...the race that started at 8:30. We told him we were going to cancel it. He wasn't going to accept the DNS, as he told his teacher that he was going to run on Thanksgiving, so we better run. That's when the race began.

Sonya whipped together breakfast for the road, the boys got dressed. I jumped off the toilet and rushed them to the car. We were on the road by 7:50. I flew up 395, while Sonya and the boys finished dressing in the car. I dropped them off on Independence Avenue at 8:15 and began the search for parking. My fail-safe parking choice of the Tidal Basin Boathouse lot was full with racers...made a few illegal left turns and parked in front of the Smithsonian at 8:20. Had 10 minutes to run the mile to the start. Made it to the start line at 8:27, pinned my number with 3 minutes to spare.

Carter and I ran together. We did a run-walk combo, where we ran about half the time...2 minute, 1 minute, 30 second, lightpost to lightpost intervals. Sonya and Jack were a few minutes behind. Both boys finished their first 5k. I told Carter that I was 21 the first time I pinned a number on my chest and ran, and he and Jack were doing it at 6 and 4...he felt pretty good about himself, especially after we finished and he saw a few bigger kids running across the line.

It was a fun race...proud of everyone, especially for the race to the start. We set a new PR for getting out of the house and making it into DC.

genius

2010-11-12T16:35:00.002-10:00

last saturday, i was suddenly awakened by crusty crawling up my back leg. i jumped out of bed, and in my most masculine voice yelled "what the F?"...actually it was a high pitched "ehhh!" according to Sonya's account of the situation. anyhow, i quickly grabbed crusty and put her in the cage. knowing that baby bootsy, new bootsy, or rebootsy, was still running around, i was unable to get any sound sleep.

first thing in the morning, we blamed the boys for leaving the open, knowing that the lack of opposable digits prevents the rats from opening the cage. in nearly a year, crusty has never proven capable.

later in the week, we caught baby bootsy in the act, proving that rats are smart, and opposable digits are overrated.

so, it wasn't the boys, or the ghost that jack blamed. bootsy is the cage opener. i owe both the boys and jack's ghost an apology.

McRib

2010-10-31T01:34:00.005-10:00

Some things are better left to the memories. The Dukes of Hazard was one of my favorite childhood shows. I was pretty excited back in '96 when I heard TNN was going to bring it back. I may have even skipped a class to watch the first episode. Huge disappointment. Bo and Luke weren't as cool as I remembered...just a couple of hillbillies driving a redneck car that wasn't as badass as it was in my 7 year old mind.

Back in the late 80s, early 90s, a sign at McDonald's proclaiming "The McRib is Back" was pretty damn exciting. At my peak, I could throw down 2 McRibs, a large fry, wash it down with a 32oz coke, and still weighed a whopping 150 lbs.

My last McRib was in 1994 or so. Not sure why I haven't had one since...hardly eat at McDonald's. Taco Bell is the fast food of choice, or if I'm in Korea, KFC is the place to be. McDonald's also held the McRib in reserve, strategically deploying it at certain locations for a limited time. They never called the McRib up for active service across the entire franchise network. The last time was in '94. So, there was some hype surrounding the latest McRib deployment...heard about it on NPR, discovered a McRib locator website. So, with all the hype, I knew it was time to reintroduce myself to the McRib.

On the drive to McD's I was nervous, knowing that this might not go as planned.

It did not.

First bite: tasty, tangy, spicey, barbecuey. Good.

Seconds later: bland, cardboardy, unidentifiable meatish substance.

Minutes later: churning stomach, greasy feeling, lethargy.

Went home, ate some carrots to soak up the gut bomb. Followed up with some ice cream to mask the lingering mystery meat flavor.

I want to forget this McRib, yet at the same time know that I shall never try the McRib again. I want to preserve all the great McRib memories of years past. I want to look at "The McRib is Back!" signs again and conjure up the great memories of boneless pork goodness.

Keeping Fear Alive

2010-10-30T16:53:00.003-10:00

Went to the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear.

It brought out quite the crowd, lots of costumes.

Lots of signs. Mostly funny, some political.

The crowd was unlike any I've ever seen. It was difficult to move around, walk to the bathroom or anywhere. These sitters refused to move when the boys tried to make it back from the bathroom.

The woman with the large legs in the above picture continued to lay down. After snapping the picture I had to walk over and lift the boys over her.

I struggled to carry the 2 boys as seen in the above picture. I came close to dropping them over the large legged woman.

Show was a bit disappointing. Instead of playing some exciting hip hop you don't stop, wave your hands in the hair like you just don't care, everybody say ho, type of hip hop, the Roots went soft and played some crap with John Legend. That was followed by 2 "comedians" that were intent on making the crowd do the wave and laugh on cue. After Jon Stewart and Colbert came out, they had Father Guido Sarducci who hasn't been funny since 1978, give a drawn out "benediction" that was pretty stale. That's when we left to beat the crowd.

Hyattsville CX

2010-10-10T15:07:00.002-10:00

Raced Hyattsville CX today. Finished, somewhere in the back half of the pack. Didn't check the results.

Standard race for me. Did ok on the first lap...painful laps 2 and 3. Got a 2nd wind in lap 4. Passed a dozen or so guys in the last 2 laps. Didn't crash, until after the race. I went looking for Sonya and the kids...needed water. Wasn't paying attention, front wheel to a curb, couldn't clip out. Massive endo. Big audience.

Good postrace beer and BBQ. Added another pint glass to the overflowing cupboard.

Took the boys out to ride and watch the Elite Masters race. They were mesmerized by the "spiral of death".

They were itching to ride the "grown up course", so we took a spin on it for awhile. Said they preferred singletrack, but the spiral of death was cool.

Both raced Lil Belgians. 4 year old race was tame, without too many kids in the event.

6-7 year old race was a cluster, with 8 kids lining up in the front row. Barrier 20 ft from the start. Told the organizer to expect a crash. It happened. Luckily we made it through safely up near the front 3 riders. But one girl was down crying, a couple others were on the ground. A few tried to ride through the carnage. Went in to help sort it out and stop a couple of over-competitive kids who weren't going to let a couple of crying kids on the ground get in the way of their 2nd lap. Eventually it sorts out, but is chaos with fast kids, some kid on a push bike. Some older-looking kids that must've been sandbagging. Hmm...sounds like some of the adult races I've been in.

America, F--k Yeah!

2010-10-10T14:59:00.004-10:00

Launching pumpkins.

Gnats of the Potomac

2010-10-08T07:44:00.001-10:00

For the most part, Fall is the best season for commuting by bike.

1) Nice cool mornings make the pre-work shower unnecessary

2) Fair weather Freds begin their hibernation...as the season goes on, the trail is less and less crowded

3) Not as much rain as the spring

There's one thing that sucks, especially on days where it's 40 degrees in the morning and 70 degrees in the evening. Thos are the Gnats of the Potomac. Along the Mt Vernon Trail, near the Pentagon I've been attacked by a swarm of these pests twice in the past week. It's a coordinated attack with hundreds, maybe thousands landing all over my arms and legs. I swallow a few, causing me to cough uncontrollably for a mile or so. The gnats have a particular fondness for cyclists...yesterday, I ran in the same area and was ignored by all the gnats. An hour later, I rode through and my arms were covered.

Not sure why it happens in only one short section, nor why they don't attack me while running. Did a couple of googles and couldn't find an answer, nor a mention of the Potomac River Gnats anywhere on the Interwebs. Maybe there's a gnat expert out there that can give me an explanation.

Annabell Herring Strikes Again

2010-10-03T14:45:00.003-10:00

Must've been another mass e-mailing from Annabell Herring. 85 people reached this blog last week looking for her, peaking on Wednesday with 41 lonely souls trying to find this Interweb whore.

Charm City CX

2010-09-20T07:17:00.001-10:00

Raced the Charm City CX this weekend, in the Masters 3/4 division. Third CX race ever, first this year. Had a good time, finishing 72^ndwithout crashing, despite some close calls. Since I started somewhere around 90^th, that was a net gain of 18 positions, plus I passed guys with carbon wheels and skin suits. It's always a success when you pass someone with better equipment. Here are the lessons learned:

1) "Charm City" is a misnomer. According to the Baltimore municipal website, the city is known as "Charm City" due to "the appeal of its neighborhoods and its friendly, unpretentious citizens". The drive to Druid Hill Park pass through a neighborhood whose appeal is exemplified by boarded up homes, trash on the streets, graffiti, and presumable seedy characters walking the streets. When I got lost on the drive home, Carter and Jack were convinced we were driving down a street full of haunted houses.

2) Whoever told me the Masters 3/4 race was safer than the Cat 4 race was full of it. There was a pileup as soon as we hit the grass, and plenty of guys taking sketchy lines on some of the turns from guys duking it out for 69^th place. The only difference is that these guys are older and the race starts at 10, so I don't have to wake up as early on a Sunday.

3) It's going to take time to shift from endurance MTB mode to 45-minutes of hell mode. After a couple more races, I should fare better than 72^nd.

4) Jack lacks the competitive spirit. When this kid kept hitting Jack's rear wheel in the Lil Belgians 4-year-old race, Jack would stop and watch the kid cry. I think Jack felt responsible for the kid's poor bike handling. On the 2^nd crash, the kid was crying hysterically, and said "I hate this! I never want to ride a bike again!" Jack stood there and watched, allowing the winner to finish uncontested.

5) I'll never eat a McDonald's Angus Snack Wrap again. Carter had to go to the bathroom. Only place to stop was McDonald's. Somehow Sonya and I dared each other to eat a burger. She had her eye on the 1/3 pound Angus Deluxe Burger. I talked her down to the Angus Snack Wrap, which is basically a burger taco. The burger lodged itself somewhere in my gut and is still hanging out there 24 hours later. The tiny burger "snack" packs a hell of a punch. It must expand once it enters your body, then it takes over. I seriously considered using the "reversal" competitive eating technique to rid myself of this gut bomb.

Shenandoah Mountain 100

2010-09-07T08:10:00.001-10:00

In December I ordered my mountain bike, got it right before Snowmaggedon in February. Immediately signed up for the Shenandoah Mountain 100 as my big event for the year. At the time, I had roughly outlined a training plan that involved several shorter races, some road racing, and a trip or two out to pre-ride the course.

Very little of that actually happened. Did a couple of MTB races early in the year as well as 1 road race. In June, when I realized my self-styled training plan wasn't doing me any good, I bought a plan from pro Chris Eatough. The plan gave me some structure, and I was able to do a lot of the weekday rides in conjunction with my commute. Finding time to get the off-road miles on the weekend was the real challenge. I did the 12 Hours of Cranky Monkey solo, but that was early in my training…and it was a distance and effort that wasn't called for at that time. Results were decent, so it was a good confidence builder. I proved that I could spend that much time in the saddle on a hot day and survive. The 24 hour adventure race in July proved that I could hike a bike, and again, spend that much time in the saddle. 2 weeks before race day, I realized that the thing I was lacking was big climbs…knowing that getting out to the course was a challenge, I set my sights on Skyline Drive. Got busy that weekend, and decided to forgo the trip out to Front Royal and make a visit to Mad Fox Brewing Company instead. Eventually made it out there a week before the race for some hill training…just like college, cramming for the big test. Knocked out 80 miles with 7000' of climbing at a strong pace. Felt good at the end…felt ready.

Showed up at Stokesville Saturday afternoon, set up camp, knocked back a few Dogfish Head beers (sponsor of the race, they provided an obscene number of kegs), got to bed early. It was a nice cool night, so I slept great. Up at 430 before the dude on the motorcycle rode around the campgrounds waking everyone up. Shifted into pre-race routine…coffee, bagel, banana, bathroom. The port-a-potty line was almost comical, with folks reporting on TP status after doing their business. Someone starts passing out napkins (2 per person) in the line as an insurance policy. Needless to say, the port-a-potty was pretty foul. Started to air up my tires, broke a valve stem…great, only had 3 tubes and 1 was in a drop-bag that I'd pick up at mile 45. So I got to ride the race with 1 spare tube and a patch kit.

Going into the race, I had no idea how I'd finish. If fitness were the main factor, I thought a 9:30 was reasonable. If the course was highly technical, I was expecting a 12hr finish. So, I told Sonya to show up by 4pm, and to expect me at any time between then and 7. I started with the 10hr group. The first climb was uneventful, dirt road. Everyone was fighting for position before the first trail section. After the singletrack downhill there was a bit of road riding where the pack split up a bit. I was hoping to get in a good paceline, but at that point it seemed as if everyone was riding for themselves. Climbed a bit more before the next trail section…a steep rocky climb. Most were walking it, and it was quite congested. I walked as well.

The next downhill was a bit more technical, and I noticed that I was taking quite the beating. I ended up getting behind a guy that was struggling to hold a good line. Just as I was getting ready to pass him, he stops in the middle of a creek. I managed to narrowly miss him, but I had to come to a stop. The 2 or 3 folks behind me do the same. After getting out of the woods, I check my fork and see that there wasn't much travel in it…and I couldn't adjust it. I didn't dwell on the problem, and just accepted the fact that it was going to be a painful day. During the ride to Aid Station #2, I made up a lot of time to put me back on track for a sub-10hr finish. Thoroughly enjoyed the downhill into AS #3…best of the course for me, as it was flowing smooth and fast. Quick stop at AS #3…volunteers were awesome at all the aid stations, refilling camelbaks, water bottles, lubing chains. Really didn't have to do anything for myself aside from shoving PB&Js in my face. The ride to AS#4 was some of the worst riding for me. The singletrack was way more technical than what I'm used to, climbing from rock garden to rock garden, a lot of off-camber trail with steep drop-offs. I didn't want to take risks, so I pushed the bike a lot. Although I was told that the downhill was great, I didn't enjoy that one too much as my body was absorbing a lot more shock than I desired.

Rolled into AS#4 a little off pace, but thought I could make it up on the road ride ahead, despite the fact that it was about a 20 mile climb. The climb started off gently, a lot on the road, giving way to gravel road. Got in a paceline and really started making up time. Then we turned onto a rutted, dirt and gravel road that was just steep. The group had broken apart beforehand, so I was climbing solo.

After about 15 miles of climbing, I hit AS#5, had some pizza, reloaded ready to go. One of the volunteers said the climb was just about finished. The dirt road gives way to some grass, climbing from meadow to meadow, each a false summit. A guy next to me keeps telling me "this is the last false summit" every time we reach another meadow. His memory wasn't that great as we climbed on for a couple more miles. At the summit, I took a quick break. There wasn't a lot of satisfaction in the early part of the downhill…lots of steep drops, more off-camber trail. More beatings. Eventually rolled into AS #6 at about 10hrs.

Started the last climb feeling ok…again, get with a guy that keeps telling me the climb is almost over. Eventually I get a cramp, so I get off the bike, take some endurolytes. Based upon what the Garmin was telling me, I thought that 11hrs wasn't doable, so I decided to backoff the pace. Started the next downhill thinking I had 9 miles to go. Near the bottom of the descent we start rolling next to some cabins and I see some caution tape. With eyes full of sweat and dust, the waving tape was screwing up my vision…combine that with fatigue, I nearly hit a tree in front of a few spectators. The guy behind me yells "Recover!" and I make a hard left to avoid the crash. He points out that the finish is around the corner, then I see Sonya and the boys cheering as we come out of the woods. I still thought we had 5 miles to go. Roll into the finish line at 11:06, grabbed my pint glass and Sonya ran off to fill it up with some Punkin Ale.

The trails, the volunteers, the beer, the atmosphere around the event all make it a great race...hats off to the promoters for a topnotch event. Although my taint and back are telling me not to do anything like this again, I'm sure I'll be back next year.

Descending Skyline Drive with the Hoff

2010-08-31T13:03:00.001-10:00

1 year commuting

2010-08-31T12:14:00.002-10:00

Today marks 1 year of bike commuting. Made it most days unless the weather sucked. Hope to do better this winter when I throw my old Stumpjumper into the rotation for winter rides.

Here are the stats--

Days Riding: 136

Commuting miles via bicycle: 3535

Days on the Metro: 49 (none since March 19th)

Days Running: 4

Singing Freds encountered: 2 (each on multiple occasions)

Accidents: 1

Coldest Ride: 19F

Hottest Ride: 103F

Plantation Trail

2010-08-18T05:29:00.002-10:00

Last week, I got in some "real" mountain biking out in Davis, WV. I started at Canaan Valley State Park on some park trails, on to the Allegheny Trail and then a forest road to the end of the famous Plantation Trail.
The Plantation Trail was a mix of rocks and a thick mud bog. The vegetation was quite beautiful, but the terrain was not forgiving. I think I wasn't riding in the preferred direction. After 3.6 miles of the 8-mile trail, I decided to bail out on the Lindy Run trail. Quite a few rock gardens were on this trail, like the one above which was one of the more rideable. The one below is a rock garden/ mud bog containing moss covered rocks. Needless to say, it was a bit more challenging.
The Allegheny Trail was very similar with the added bonus of some significant climbs.
I didn't see another rider on my 4-hour ride. I did see one set of tracks probably from the day prior. The ride definitely feels remote, unlike riding in a suburban park. The trails are also deep in bear country, and I saw a lot of bear crap, and a set of tracks on the trail. Additionally, I had no cell service on much of the ride. So, after a few hours of riding, I thought it wise to bail onto the forest road. I also think I rode Plantation in the wrong direction...didn't seem to be any "flow" to the trail the way I went. It was fun riding out there...the 4hours felt like 10, as the terrain beat the crap out of me.

Latest Experiment With Facial Hair

2010-08-17T11:54:00.001-10:00

Odyssey One Day Adventure Race

2010-07-28T11:39:00.003-10:00

This weekend was my first adventure race...competed as a 4 person team with Howard, Kris and Gary. The course was to consist of 40-50 miles biking, 15-20 miles trekking, and 10-15 miles of paddling. Objective was to reach 14 checkpoints on any chosen route. We had a map, compass, backpacks full of gear and 24 hours to be back at base camp.

Showed up early on Friday to set up base camp.

Kris made a kickass mystery stew.
I forgot to pack a bowl, so had to improvise.
It was the hottest weekend of the year, with a 99 degree temp at start time. Course started with a 2-mile trail run prologue, followed by a bike ride to checkpoints 1-4. The ride up to checkpoint 1 was a road ride up a steep hill. Road was so steep, many were walking. We had to go off-road to get to checkpoint 2. We plotted a route via fire road with a little bit of bushwhacking up to a single track trail to checkpoint 2. The bushwhacking wasn't the best idea, but it seems most teams chose the same route...we had to climb up 400 feet in elevation with packs on back and bike over shoulder....super tough. The singletrack "trail" wasn't much of a trail, and was mostly unrideable. I tried to ride for a bit, but slipped in some loose dirt and cut up my shin pretty bad. Gary twisted an ankle...after making the checkpoint, we found some decent singletrack to descend. At the bottom of the mountain, we chose the wrong trail and ended up taking a much longer ride into the town of New Castle. We had to stop and filter some water to make the leg into town where we could resupply...and clean up my leg. The ride to checkpoint 3 was a long road/fire road ride, followed by a super steep "jeep trail" that was unrideable on the way up. It involved a lot more bike pushing. We eventually made it to the top, where we saw some rednecks driving their 4-wheel drive...I thought for sure someone was going to die, because nothing good can happen when you encounter a truck full of rednecks at 1 am on a Saturday. Luckily nothing happened. After a 2.5 hours of climbing the jeep trail to the checkpoint, we had 45 minutes to descend to checkpoint 4 before the cutoff. We screamed down the hill to make the cutoff by 20 minutes. At that point, we had to make a decision...either try to trek 25 miles in about 5.5 hours, or ride our bikes 15 miles and take the "short course". We'd lose 2 checkpoints, but knew that an off-road bushwhacking marathon wasn't going to be successful. The 15 mile road ride was still tough. After 14 hours on the bike, a hilly ride at 2 am wasn't exactly easy. At 4 am, I noticed Howard weaving...he was falling asleep, so we decided to pull over and sleep on the steps of this church.

I cleaned up my leg a little more for the camera.

At 0530, we eventually rolled into Checkpoint 9....took a look a the map, and realized we had 2 hours to make the cutoff at the canoe leg. 2 hours to grab checkpoint 10 and bushwhack 10 miles over some big climbs. It wasn't happening. We didn't want to get lost in the woods and wander around missing the cutoff, thus taking the long way back to base camp. Instead, we decided to call it quits...a wise choice, considering I had witnessed many experienced adventure racers DNF by this point. Since we still had our bikes, we teamed up with another DNF'd team to ride as a group the 20 miles back to base camp. There were lots of ups and downs on this route, which took their toll on us. Eventually we took a break and hitchhiked with yet another DNF'd team back to base camp.

Only 3 out of 31 teams officially finished the course. No one made all 14 checkpoints. Based upon the # of checkpoints we found, you could say we were in 14th place, or 3rd in our division. But since we DNF'd, that's all unofficial. Still, had a fun time, even though the adventure race turned into a 21 hour mountain bike ride/push.

Fwd: Greetings

2010-07-16T00:36:00.001-10:00

felipe now has my e-mail address, and must think i'm annabell. great.

Begin forwarded message:

From: Felipe Eduardo González Espinoza <felicopterino.07@gmail.com>
Date: July 15, 2010 11:50:36 PM EDT
Subject: Greetings

Hi Annabell,

This is my mail.

Kisses.

Fwd: Annabell Herring sent you a message on Facebook...

2010-07-15T14:43:00.005-10:00

I've got another one interested in my profile. Amazing! Her username is wetandyoung. That must be a popular handle.

Here's the text from her message---

i like your page!!! i do think its... cool

I have some hot pics. i'm dying to show off. u interested?

take a look at them at http://www.facebook.com/l/14d4fXoobWXcP-TVoSlcgoq1QQw;http:/virtualsmall.com

my username there is wetandyoung2k10

Begin forwarded message:

From: Facebook <notification+k-w5u7wm@facebookmail.com>
Date: July 15, 2010 8:30:55 PM EDT
Subject: Annabell Herring sent you a message on Facebook...
Reply-To: noreply <noreply@facebookmail.com>

facebook
Annabell sent you a message.
Annabell HerringJuly 16, 2010 at 3:30am
Subject: Howdy
i like your page!!! i do think its... cool
I have some hot pics. i'm dying to show off. u interested?
take a look at them at http://www.facebook.com/l/14d4fXoobWXcP-TVoSlcgoq1QQw;http:/virtualsmall.com
my username there is wetandyoung2k10
To reply to this message, follow the link below:
Find people from address book on Facebook!
T Palo Alto, CA 94303

Adventure Race Training

2010-07-14T13:37:00.002-10:00

Participating in a 24-hour adventure race next weekend.

Last Sunday, did a "gear shakedown" ride and rock-scramble with teammates Howard, Kris and Gary.

Here's Howards account of the evening.

Highlight was the crazy downhill on the last half of the ride. Nothing like screaming down a rocky hill at max speed at night. I was struggling to hold a good line and was dodging all the big rocks rolling behind Howard. Thankfully there were no accidents.

Lottie Clark, Whore of the Internets

2010-07-12T14:06:00.004-10:00

Lottie, I thought you only wanted to share your private pics with me?

Apparently, you are after many, many more. It appears that 81 people are curious about your address.

Folks from all over the world are googling wetandyoung@mtsglobe.com

Are you telling them all that you're a woman? That you like their profile? And did you share your private pics with all of them?

Lottie, I am offended. Have you forgotten the meaning of private?

12hrs of Cranky Monkey

2010-06-27T01:54:00.004-10:00

Yesterday was the 12 Hours of Cranky Monkey. I rode solo, which was a first for me. Goal was to ride 8 laps, with ~ 1:15 lap times (not counting breaks).

Start was a mass "Le Mans" start, with a .25 mile run. Lap 1 was pretty fast for me...about 1:04 ride time. Heart rate was high, as was the adrenaline and the pucker factor as the trail was pretty congested. Plan was to take a small pit stop after lap 2, so I pressed on and rode a 1:07 for lap 2. Quick stop for water bottle change and to grab some Gu and I headed out for a strong lap 3...then it happened. Flat #1. Quick check of the tire, and I couldn't find the culprit, so assumed a pinch flat. About 2 minutes later...Flat #2, and I'm out of tubes. Did a sloppy patch job, then did a more thorough check to find a tack. How could I have missed that? Start to air up with the hand pump (major pain in the ass), and realize the patch job sucks. Luckily a team rider, stopped to hand me a tube. I get enough air in the tire to finish the lap in about 2 hours. During that down time I roasted...the rest of the lap sucked as I drained the Camelback and my sports drink. Took a longer pit stop to get back out there, and could never recover the old rhythm. After lap 3, I did ride the rest of the race knocking out consistent 1:15 laps, but I took longer and longer pit stops. I never checked my standing until the finish. I completed 8 laps, 6th in Solo 35+, and was 16 minutes out of the money for 5th. 1st and 2nd place completed 9 laps. Some better luck and time management and I coulda done better...but who knows, I coulda suffered more debilitating cramps and bailed after lap 6 too. Since this was my first event of this type, I still don't know the right balance of ride/rest. Aside from that, I had a great time and learned a lot. I can't complain since I did achieve my goal and I'm still walking (slowly) this morning. The taint's hurting and I can't bend at the waist, but it could be worse.

Things I learned:

-mechanicals in the heat really throw off the rhythm
-changing flats in the heat is not really rest
-don't rush a flat change in a race, make sure you find the cause, else you'll be doing it again
-carry a CO2 cartridge
-it's time to go tubeless -you need good support in the pit...a table with everything laid out would've been smart. i wasn't that organized
-frozen sports drink is awesome...i started with a block of ice, but the drinks were cold for most of the lap...by the end, they were warm. freeze 1 bottle for each anticipated lap.
-don't sit in the pit too long...my worst cramps came when I tried to change socks

-the taint has its limits...for me about 6 laps...or about 7 hours in the saddle

-i need to learn how to descend in order to ride more efficiently

-when you throw-up in your mouth while climbing, it's best to dismount and push

-walking the climbs isn't that detrimental to lap times. i stayed pretty consistent (aside from the first 2 laps) with my lap times. the last lap, where i walked several times wasn't that much slower than the 4th, and i avoided some cramps.

-i can still ride for 35+ miles after the onset of the first cramp.

-i took Endurolytes, Thermolytes...and any type of "lyte" that was handed to me. All were good for temporary relief of cramping, but none are magic. Gotta stay ahead of the curve with nutrition...which is almost impossible in that kind of heat.

-most mountain bikers are pretty cool...lots of encouragement passed from relay riders to me and my fellow soloist. some, though are still dicks...like the dude who impatiently passed me on a piece of narrow singletrack going uphill on lap 7. i gave him a few choice words...probably because i was cranky at that time.

-Shiner Bock and Papa John's pizza tastes best after 12 hours of riding in 90+ deg temps

-Great food:

--Sonya's Chocolate Chip Cookies

--Trader Joe's Hawaiian Style Salt and Vinegar Potato Chips

--Watermelon...after lap 6 I was sick of water and sports drinks. This hit the spot.

--Peanut Butter and Jelly

-Food I couldn't stomach

--Cliff Bars...at midday, the sight of them made me wretch

--Gu...seemed to be a necessary evil mid-lap, but was never a pleasant experience

Fwd: Lottie Clarke sent you a message on Facebook...

2010-06-25T02:05:00.003-10:00

I received this message on Facebook. I like how Lottie introduces herself. "I am a woman!!!". She's so excited about her womanhood, I hear her roar. I can tell that she's also likely not american with her awkwardly worded "make me aware" statement. The descriptive e-mail address makes her more alluring. I'm thrilled that she found my profile "cool".

Begin forwarded message:

From: Facebook <notification+k-w5u7wm@facebookmail.com>
Date: June 25, 2010 7:38:15 AM EDT
Subject: Lottie Clarke sent you a message on Facebook...
Reply-To: noreply <noreply@facebookmail.com>

facebook
Lottie sent you a message.
Lottie ClarkeJune 25, 2010 at 2:38pm
Subject: Hello
Strap, I am a woman!!!
i like your user profile!!! i believe its... cool
I have some private pics. i'm dying to show off. u interested? make me aware.message me at: wetandyoung@mtsglobe.com
I will likely not respond using facebook.
To reply to this message, follow the link below:
Find people from your address book on Facebook!

another encounter with the Singing Fred

2010-06-14T09:30:00.001-10:00

Saw him again today...we converged on the intersection of Mt Vernon and Commonwealth. He was in his standard "Safeway Management" attire. Button down short sleeve shirt with tie and dockers. It was hard to make out the song choice for today, as it was hard to hear as I followed him on to Four Mile Run trail.

Of note, there is a 2nd Singing Fred. Last week, a guy wearing a short sleeve blue shirt, tie and khaki shorts pulled up next to me at the same intersection belting out a tune. He was still singing when I lost him by the airport. I couldn't tell if his attire was a joke, or if he was wearing "Safeway Casual" with his choice of shorts.

Air Force Crystal Ride

2010-06-13T13:18:00.002-10:00

Rode the "Crystal Ride"...the non-competitive portion of the AF Cycling Classic.

Rider's of all shapes and sizes showed up....everything from strong members of the racing community, down to the Freddiest of all Freds.
This rider, whose name is probably "Doris"...the female derivative Fred lined up near the front. She was all decked out with hydration pack, headlights on both helmet and handlebar, blinky lights on bike, helmet, and hydration pack. Not visible in this pic is the pannier on the right side of her bike.
The guy on the high wheel bike was quite the hit. The first time we lapped him, the front group gave him quite a few cheers. Riding a Madone at 12mph is Fredish, but riding a high wheel bike takes balls and some pretty strong legs to make it up the hills.

It was hot, humid, and the roads were shitty. Ended up doing 63 miles in something under 3 hours. Was still a good time, and at times felt more like a race than a "people's ride."

Followed up the ride with a trip to Costco where I chowed down on a hot dog and coke...then a trip to the water park where I got to check out all the latest tattoos on the 19-year-old baby's mammas...and 30 something year old baby's mamma's mammas.

Trip to the Valley

2010-06-12T14:12:00.002-10:00

This was from over a month ago...but here are a few highlights.

1.) Rode my first adult trike. Although not the fastest ride out there, it has its merits:

a. Can ride in sandals.
b. Can haul 2 kids easily
c. Can hold a beer while keeping one hand on the bars.

2.) It was unseasonably cold, and windy, so we didn't take our tent and opted for plan b. Camper cabin at Jellystone. We ate some great Kalbi.

3.) Met this cat...he was a talkative fellow. He had this drum kit car inside his U-Haul, played classic rock and could talk your ear off.

4.) On the way out, stopped at Barrel Oak Winery in Delaplane. Nice place, with great views of the mountains. We had some organic burgers from Local Sixfortyseven. Highly recommended. Liked it so much that Sonya now follows this food truck regularly...we came back to Barrel Oak later in the month, and followed them out to Fairfax another weekend.

5.) The lowlight of the weekend. Uncle Bucks in Luray. Rolling through town on Sunday morning to meet Howard for a ride, I was looking for coffee. The only place open in town was Uncle Buck's. I decided that a place serving "Redneck Benedict" was no place for a lycra-clad man to step foot in, I opted for no coffee. Later on, Sonya tried to eat there with the boys. She was ignored for a couple of hours and was basically refused service. Nice.

6.) Got in 65 miles on some lightly traveled rolling roads in the valley with a couple of big climbs. Great ride. Thanks to Howard for showing me around.

Fwd: Bike Lane at Local ES

2010-06-10T04:25:00.001-10:00

So, I complained to the county, a school principal, and the local police about cars parking in a bike lane. Here's the response. Interesting to note that essentially a car driver can do what he wants in a "bike preferred" lane and be protected in the eyes of the local police.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From:

Date: Thu, Jun 10, 2010 at 9:58 AM
Subject: RE: Bike Lane at Local ES

Sir,

I will answer your questions in the order that you asked them

Your first question was whether or not vehicles can drive and or sit attended in a bicycle lane, and the answer to that is yes, under some circumstances. As it is clearly defined in 46.2-100 bicycles have preferential use not dedicated use, so in a situation such as this, yes a vehicle can absolutely stop in the bicycle lane. Just as if a vehicle was to break down in the right thru lane, and be unmovable without the use of a tow truck, vehicle could most certainly pass on the right utilizing the bicycle lane. As to your comment that 46.2-905 "does not refer to the bicycle lane" you are correct, but that is irrelevant, because 46.2-905 refers to all operations of a bicycle, so it most certainly does apply.

Now your second question of would it be acceptable for the vehicles to sit in one of the other two lanes. The short answer is yes if there were no bicycle lane that would be acceptable. Now let me explain this a little more in depth. Any vehicle that is stopped waiting to turn right onto another street or into a location, must always pull as far to the right of the roadway as possible. This happens at dozens of schools across the county every day.

Now to summarize this situation, bicycle lanes are, as clearly defined in 46.2-100, for the preferential use of bicycles, not the dedicated use of them. Furthermore, as it is clearly stated in 46.2-905 any bicycle must stay to the right of the roadway except, among a long list of other reason, you are having to pass stopped or parked cars.

There is no violation by these vehicles that are stopping and waiting to turn into the Local ES to pick up or drop off their kids. They are doing not only the right thing, but the safest thing too. I would strongly recommend that as you approach these vehicles, you cautiously move to the right most portion of the roadway that is available for your travels, and proceed with caution. That is what the law requires you to do.

Local Police

________________________________

From: Me

Sent: Thu 6/10/2010 5:43 AM

So, you are saying that cars can drive and or sit attended in a bicycle lane? 46.2-905 does not refer to the bicycle lane.

Would it be acceptable for the cars to sit attended in one of the other 2 lanes? I think that would not be tolerated. By saying that this is not enforceable, that basically defeats the purpose of the bicycle lane and contradicts the signs on Beulah Road that state that lane is for bicycles only.

On Jun 9, 2010, at 9:13 PM, Local Police wrote:

The code states Under 46.2-100 "Definitions":
"Bicycle Lane" means that portion of the roadway designated by signs and/or pavement markings for the preferential use of bicycles, electric power-assisted bicycles, and mopeds.

Furthermore, in 46.2-905, it clearly states that it is the bicyclists responsibility to safely go around parked or slow moving vehicles (see #3 below)
46.2-905. Riding bicycles, electric personal assistive mobility devices, electric power-assisted bicycles, motor-driven cycles, and mopeds on roadways and bicycle paths.

Any person operating a bicycle, electric personal assistive mobility device, electric power-assisted bicycle, or moped on a roadway at less than the normal speed of traffic at the time and place under conditions then existing shall ride as close as safely practicable to the right curb or edge of the roadway, except under any of the following circumstances:

1. When overtaking and passing another vehicle proceeding in the same direction;

2. When preparing for a left turn at an intersection or into a private road or driveway;

3. When reasonably necessary to avoid conditions including, but not limited to, fixed or moving objects, parked or moving vehicles, pedestrians, animals, surface hazards, or substandard width lanes that make it unsafe to continue along the right curb or edge;

4. When avoiding riding in a lane that must turn or diverge to the right; and

5. When riding upon a one-way road or highway, a person may also ride as near the left-hand curb or edge of such roadway as safely practicable.

For purposes of this section, a "substandard width lane" is a lane too narrow for a bicycle, electric personal assistive mobility device, electric power-assisted bicycle, motorized skateboard or scooter, or moped and another vehicle to pass safely side by side within the lane.

Persons riding bicycles, electric personal assistive mobility devices, or electric power-assisted bicycles on a highway shall not ride more than two abreast. Persons riding two abreast shall not impede the normal and reasonable movement of traffic, shall move into a single file formation as quickly as is practicable when being overtaken from the rear by a faster moving vehicle, and, on a laned roadway, shall ride in a single lane.

Notwithstanding any other provision of law to the contrary, the Department of Conservation and Recreation shall permit the operation of electric personal assistive mobility devices on any bicycle path or trail designated by the Department for such

I would say not enforceable , unless those cars were unattended and therefore truely "parked" on the roadway which I have never seen at any of the schools Kiss and Ride lines


      Local Police Department

Smell Doppler?

2010-05-30T00:18:00.003-10:00

Along the Mt Vernon trail, north of National Airport, there is a bank of port-a-potties. Normally, port-a-potties are a temporary solution, but these crappers have been in the same location for as long as I remember. It doesn't take long for a port-a-potty in DC to get fouled up....sometimes I think they drop them off at events full of poo. So, to keep these in tolerable condition, I'm sure the shitsucker is at this location on a very frequent basis.

Everyday, I pass this wall of crappers. In the morning, I usually smell nothing. On the ride home, I catch a whiff of poo that nearly knocks me off the bike. What is unusual to me is the point at which I smell the poo. I'd expect to detect the smell just before passing the crappers, and holding that smell until just a few feet after passing them. Instead, I detect the smell about 50ft after I pass the wall of crap. I've been trying to understand this phenomenon, and have came up with a couple of explanations. The simplest explanation is that the winds are blowing the stench, but this seems to happen on days that are not windy. So, it's not that simple. This got me to thinking that there may be a sort of "smell Doppler" effect that can explain the existence of an odor vector. See the diagram below.
If there is indeed a smell Doppler effect, the odor vector would vary based upon my speed. I may need to test this on future rides. By detecting the variations due to speed, I may be able to calculate an escape velocity....the speed at which I'd need to travel to not detect the odor. I don't know if breaking the "Smell Barrier" will be achievable by bicycle, but I hope to be the first.

neighborly neighbors

2010-05-27T06:13:00.001-10:00

ahhh, got to love a suburban neighborhood full of disgruntled bureaucrats.

Singing Fred

2010-05-26T06:52:00.001-10:00

Today marks the return of the "Singing Fred". The last time I saw him was back in September, so obviously he's a fairweather rider. Today he was wearing a button-down shirt avec bowtie and slacks. As I was cruising down Commonwealtha Ave following a car, I hear him singing (Opera as opposed to Journey), and approaching me. I slow for the upcoming intersection behind a line of 5 cars, who are all turning right at a busy intersection. Douchebag, decides to go up the right hand side and ignore the 4-way stop, nearly causing an accident. I'd like to just cruise in to work, since I didn't feel up to riding hard, nor did I want to hear any more opera singer as I got near the Fred. But, when someone does something dangerous on the road, I do like to hammer it past them and prove the point that their wreckless riding is getting them nowhere...occasionally I want to say something like, "hey, your wreckless move does nothing to endear car drivers to cyclists"...but it usually comes out as "hey, jackass, stupid move." Since Fred was singing, I thought a high speed pass, narrowly missing him without any sort of "on your left" would suffice. Back in September, Singing Fred gave me no indication that he was passing, other than that I heard "Don't Stop Believin" as he approached. So, after a quick acceleration, I was about 10 yards behind Fred as we hit the Route 1 underpass. He got louder and louder with his rendition of The Marriage of Figaro. We hit some congestion, and he wrecklessly passed a cluster of runners and cyclists. As we got on the MVT, I hit the gas, closely passed him and left Singing Fred behind. I had to ride a little faster than I wanted, since Singing Fred does spin the hybrid at max speed. He also has the propensity to be a wheelsucker, so I had to accelerate quickly as I passed. Luckily I didn't hear another note. Unfortunately, I arrived at work a little sweatier than I had planned.

With Spring in full swing, the trail is getting somewhat dangerous...rollerbladers, unicyclists, texting riders, military members taking PT tests, people with headphones that can't hear anyone else around them, Team Radioshack jerseys, Trail Time Trialists, and other heros that come out when the weather's good. Fairweather riders are taking over. Most are tolerable, but the awful singing is not.

9 Worst Beers?

2010-05-20T13:59:00.003-10:00

Esquire recently published a list of the nine worst beers on Earth.

Sonya claims to love the Bud & Clamato, I on the otherhand couldn't stomach it. Truly the foulest stuff ever. If I couldn't stand a decent mass-market brew (Bud Heavy, aka the King in a Can) mixed with tomato juice, clam juice and lime, there's no way I could handle light piss beer mixed with tomato juice, clam juice and lime.

7-11's Game Day light looks like pure class in a can. I see they have the ever popular "Ice" version as well as your standard light. If I invite you over to my house, and you're bringing beer, make it a Game Day.

Rock Ice looks like the standard beer you'd buy in a country not known for beer...Korea's Cass, Thailand's Singha and Turkey's Efes come to mind. This stuff is "Ice" to boot...I thought Ice beers died off in the 90s with Zima? I'm getting a headache just looking at this one.

If I ever make it to Canada, the first beer I'm trying is Sleeman Clear. Any beer described as "Clear" has got to be good. Plus, it's modeled here next to a Thomas the Tank Engine train...it's not Thomas, Percy, Gordon or one of the cool trains. It's some loser yellow train, I guess to show us that the color of beer is an even lighter yellow.

I've got extensive experience with the Fruity NAs. I also have extensive experience drinking shitty light beer. But, the Michelob Ultra Pomegranate Rasbperry looks like it could be the foulest of the foul...it would be what Oprah would drink if Oprah drank beer. Ignoring the Oprah factor, I don't think I could try this one, as Fruity NAs will bring up some bad memories...like this one.

Camo High Gravity Lager is more of a Malt Liquor, which is in a category of its own. Although I loved the theory of a 40oz in my younger days, I never could pull it off. The theory was great, go buy 1 high alcohol content brew for a couple of bucks, put it in a brown paper bag to be discreet, and get F'd up. What's wrong with that? Plus, all the gangsta rappers were doing it back in the day, and they were just flat out cool. In reality, I could only handle 40s of Bud...but I could never finish off the swill at the bottom. It just got too warm for me. Malt Liquor sucks...and I could put just about any malt liquor on this list. Esquire just got lazy and couldn't name 9 shitty beers.

MGD 64...the low carb/low calorie beer craze boggles my mind, just like Diet Coke. If you're going to kill the flavor, why bother?

Samuel Adams Cranberry Lambic...apparently I thought this one wasn't all that bad. I have had some bad experiences with Cranberry Lambics of late. Blue and Gray's Cranberry Lambic was a red and cloudy mess full of cranberry chunks and super sour. It was foul, and far worse than Sam Adams' offering.

Olde English 800...aka the eightball. Once again, Esquire got lazy and had to mention another malt liquor. OE is one of the kings of malt liquor, right up there with Colt .45....even gets a mention from Eazy E in his classic "Boyz n the Hood"

Beer's I would've included:
-Natural Light
-Natty Ice
-Milwaukee's Best
-Milwaukee's Best Ice
-Heineken
-Corona
-Duckrabbit Milk Stout
-Any gluten free beer
-Efes
-Stroh's
-PBR

Retiring My Jersey

2010-05-13T09:21:00.002-10:00

After nearly 3 years of use, it's time for me to retire my HACC Jersey. The jersey has seen a lot of miles...rides on 3 Hawaiian Islands, races in Hawaii, DC, Maryland, and commutes to Arlington.

The decisive moment came yesterday in the locker room at Ft Belvoir. It was a cool commute, and I hardly sweat on my way in to work. In the morning, I hung it up in a locker. After a full day of class, I came back to the gym to change. When I opened up the locker, it released a vile stench that cleared the room. I could barely breathe as I struggled to put on the jersey. Over the past 6 months, I noticed that the jersey was holding an increasingly stronger stench, but it was usually noticeable after a more intense sweat-inducing ride. Yesterday's easy ride awakened some old stink cells that singed my nose hairs. I'd been denying the stench for awhile, but I can't do it any longer...

The sweat fossils that are awakened by new sweat do induce great memories, such as the climb up Haleakala. I enjoy the memories, but can't deal with the accompanying stench.

A stinky jersey does have its advantages--

1) In a group ride, I wouldn't have to do any work up front, since no one would want to follow the stink cloud.

2) In a race, no one would chase me if I started a break, for fear of choking on the stink cloud.

It's only May, and I can barely handle the stench. I could only imagine what it would be like to wear it during a hot July DC ride. I could probably clear out a city block.

So, I think it's time to say goodbye.

Jack Daniel

2010-05-07T10:47:00.002-10:00

Visited the Jack Daniel's Distillery last week. Due to "high security", I was only able to smuggle out this picture of the highly sensitive operation in Lynchburg, TN.

Our tour guide was very proud of the "high security" and Jack Daniel's Distillery...she managed to repeat herself quite frequently on the rules imposed by high security, especially in the wake of the moron car bomber in Times Square.

We were allowed to take pictures outside, but were not allowed to do so with cell phones. Presumably, they did not want Near-Real-Time imagery of the highly sensitive Lincoln County Process to be disseminated all over the interwebs. Such time sensitive information would give the enemies at Al Qaeda and Jim Beam valuable insights on this sensitive operation.

Pictures with regular cameras are OK, but can't be taken indoors, where all the action happens. A high-resolution photo of a fermenting tank, may give Al Qaeda or Jim Beam details on the special strain of yeast used by Jack Daniels. Beam has been known to perform forensics and a DNA-level analysis of many yeast strains, then send their agents back to the distillery back with specially crafted anti-yeast compounds to create a massive yeast infection, thus resulting in the downfall of many a whiskey. One well-known victim of Beam's espionage is Jeremiah Weed. Weed used to be the smoothest blend of whiskey, now it's the most vile alcohol known to man and is only drank by fighter pilots who really don't know any better.

The tour was nice. I learned a lot about Jack. The tour guide was great, continually repeating herself, so all the information sunk in. Unfortunately, no sipping is allowed in the dry County of Moore. We did get to inhale some of the fumes from the Lincoln County Processer...very potent. It burned my throat for the rest of the day.

Greenbrier Challenge

2010-04-27T14:54:00.005-10:00

Another weekend of mountain bike racing. This was my first Cross Country MTB race, the Greenbrier Challenge up in Greenbrier MD. MTB racing has less stringent licensing rules than road racing, so I had the choice between racing Beginner (Cat 3) or Sport (Cat 2). I opted for the Cat 2 race, since it was 3 laps instead of 2...since this was a 1:30 hour drive to the start, I thought it most efficient to race longer than I drove to get there.

Got up at the crack of dawn to ride up with Jim for a pre-ride of the course. It rained all night, so Sonya thought it a bit crazy that we were getting up so early to go ride in the cold rain. I was a bit nervous, convinced that I was in over my head...should've raced beginner. Rode the course once, went and rocky, but in pretty good condition considering all the rain. I guess when the course is mainly rocks, it drains well. Realized I was weak on some of the technical areas...convinced myself I was going to crash in the rocks...done with preride by 8:45, had until 11:00 to race.

It was cold, rainy.

I was hungry, and needed more coffee. Luckily the camp concession was open.

They had coffee, donuts, and hot bologna. Hot bologna sounded tempting, as it's something I haven't tried in about 25 years, but I stayed away knowing it's not good pre-race grub.

Rode around to keep the blood flowing and stay warm. Layered up. Sun poked out for a minute, shed layers...cloudy again, more layers. Must've changed 3 or 4 times before the race.

Line up for the race. Haul ass with the leaders going up the first hill. Get passed by a bunch of dudes going down. Lose my line on the downhill. Luckily the ground was soft at this point, and the trail looped back...ended up with about 20 yards of off-trail riding. Got back going... Settled in with a group of 4 or 5 riders that I'd pass on the climb or flat sections, and they'd pass me going down. Did this for the 1st and 2nd lap. 2nd lap, I hit a tree in a rock garden...luckily I was only riding 1mph.

At the start of the 3rd and final lap, I decided that I had to finish ahead of the group I was in. Hammered up the non-technical hill at the start, creating a big gap. Recovered on the downhill, hammered the flats and climbs. Didn't see those guys again.

Finished 12th of 20 something riders in the age group. Middle of the pack once again. Noted that had I raced beginner, lap times were good enough for 2nd. Once I learn how to ride downhill, the times should get better.

Baker's Dozen MTB Race

2010-04-21T14:32:00.003-10:00

This past weekend was the Baker's Dozen 13 hr MTB race. I'd heard this was a popular race, so when NCVC was looking to put together teams, I jumped on a 3 man team. This was to be my first MTB race since 24 Hours of Hell in Paradise, so I was glad that I got on a team that was just looking to get in some good riding.

We decided to camp, which later turned out to be a bad idea. The nice 80 degree temps on Friday didn't last. Learned a few lessons:

1) Don't buy cheap canopies. This canopy I'm staring at took about an hour to get setup...zippers were corroded from its last use on the beach. 30mph winds quickly snapped it.
2) When we make our summit attempt on Everest, we will not be packing a Coleman tent. 30mph winds caused it to cave in, accompanying showers infiltrated the tent that was no longer protected from the rainfly.
3) Don't let kids play in the tent before bedtime...they may think it's fun to unroll the sleeping bags, but when #2 happens, it's going to be a cold wet night.
4) A lesson I've learned before...Jim Kosek is a funny mofo, but Accuweather sucks. Don't trust them.

After a couple hours of sleep Friday night due to the fierce wind nearly blowing the tent over, we woke up to sunny, yet cooler skies. Carter and Jack rode the mini race. Here are our pre-race war faces.

All shapes and sizes were in the mini-races. Carter and Jack had to navigate through a lot of training wheels and tricycles.

Some folks camped in style, the boys found a couch for some post race relaxation.

The cows were staring us down for riding in their fields.

Despite not being in it to win it, my team did quite well. Halfway through the race, we were 6th of 36 teams...ended up finishing 9th. The course was flat, fast and fun. Starting to get comfortable on the Epic...probably a little too comfortable, as I got a little overconfident bunny hopping a log. Ended up doing a nice endo, breaking in the new bike with it's first crash. Looking forward to more MTB racing this year.

F'n Nitwit

2010-04-13T13:04:00.003-10:00

I planned on racing the Tyson's Corner Circuit Race on Sunday. Since I was planning on volunteering for a couple hours as a road guard, thought I'd race as well.

Bailed out on Thursday for a couple of reasons:

1) Lack of training nearly guaranteed a less than mediocre finish

2) Lack of desire to ride in a Cat 4 race and listen to fellow Cat 4s yell "hold your line" at other Cat 4s that have comparable bike handling skills.

3) Since I also entered mountain bike races for the next couple of weekends, I'd rather spend my weekend ride time on the trails getting ready for 2 weekends of mountain biking.

and the main reason,

4) Sonya signed us up to go see David Sedaris in Baltimore Saturday night, so I knew I wouldn't get much sleep the night before.

Ok, I could've made it to the race, but in the time since I signed up for the race, I've decided that Crits and Circuit Races aren't that appealing right now. It probably goes back to a combination of reasons #1 and #2. I really have no desire to get dropped or be involved in a big crash.

So, I still did my volunteer time as a road guard during the Women's Cat 1/2/3 and the Men's Pro/1/2/3 races. The race was in a large office park with four lane roads. 2 lanes were blocked off for the race, while riders warmed up on the outer lanes. I sat road guard next to the outer lanes, protecting the racer from those over achieving, I've gotta work on Sunday, workaholics at the USA Today HQ. Since it's a crappy paper, it has very few workaholics, and the lot was empty Sunday....making my job easy.

It was interesting to sit and listen to the teams warmup and discuss 'tactics' as they passed. These guys think up some elaborate crap, that really means nothing, as the race didn't play out that way. Also got to hear the women recap their race as they cooled down...basically a lot of "i could've, should've and would'ves."

I decided to sit at the edge of the sidewalk to get a little bit of shade. The sidewalk was very wide, and not a lot of people passing on it. At one point, I look over to see a large dude on a hybrid hauling ass down the sidewalk. He yells something. I'm leaving plenty of room on the sidewalk, but he buzzes me as he passes. I tell him he's cutting it a little too close. He yells back in his Australian accent "......Fucking Nitwit". Since I've never been called a nitwit, I thought it was funny, so I asked him "What?"...he says ".....blah, blah...Fucking Nitwit!" again. I can hardly contain myself and ask him to say again and he calls me a nitwit again. By that point, he was out of yelling range, so I didn't get a chance to have him call me a "silly ninny" or any other harmless insult.

I did want to tell the guy that he did have plenty of sidewalk if he insisted on riding on sidewalk...or that he would be in compliance with local laws if he rode on the road instead.

In 3 years of riding and running in Hawaii, I never had an incident where a fellow cyclist or runner yelled at me. In 8 months here, I've had 3 incidents. In Hawaii, Mr. Nitwit would've probably given me a Shaka. The guy at the National Marathon would've said "Excuse Me Brah"...the Fred would've said "sorry Brah"...or something.

Douthat Trip

2010-04-05T15:32:00.002-10:00

Last week we took a trip to Douthat State Park near Clifton Forge, VA. This place has been described as a "Mountain Bike Disneyland"...it's remote, no cell service, no phones, no TVs in the rustic cabins built by the Civilian Conservation Corps.

We celebrated Jack's birthday. He's the world's last Power Rangers fan, so he got his wish...everyone dressed up as Power Rangers. Here they are out on patrol on part of Douthat's 40-mile trail network.

I managed to get in 3 fantastic Mountain Bike Rides...this is some of the best riding I've ever done. Rides were tough though, it was either up or down. The largest climb was about 1700' of elevation gain over 4.5 miles, all over rocky single track. The descents were bumpy but fun. I nearly had the trails to myself. In 9 hours of riding, I only saw riders twice, in groups of 2. I caught up with 2 guys climbing Middle Mountain (the big 1700' climb), and noticed one was riding a "fixie". They invited me to ride along. I followed them up...amazingly the fixie dude was able to climb most of the way, only walking a few of the tighter switchbacks. I didn't stick around to watch the guy try to descend on that deathtrap...they were taking breaks on the way up, so after chatting for awhile I pushed on. It would've been interesting to see how the guy descended at high speed without coasting, but I also didn't want to be around if he crashed...this was after all his first fixie mountain ride.

The water was up on Stony Run. Several creek crossings. It was about 39 degrees when I started my first ride...stepping through this creek wasn't much fun that time, but got progressively more pleasant when temperatures crawled into the 80s.

Glad to get some "epic" rides in with the Epic.

Douthat Trip Part 2

2010-04-05T15:26:00.002-10:00

Views from top of Middle Mountain...did this climb 3 times.

Took Jack and Carter on a ride over the flatter trails.

The last night Carter and Jack went on an Easter candy bender, which disrupted the porch front view of the beautiful sunset over the mountains.
Jack was especially proud of the "Hulk Finger" he developed after his first experience with "Fun Dip"

1st Road Race in VA

2010-03-29T01:24:00.002-10:00

Yesterday was the area's first road race of the year, and my first in VA. Driving down to Charlottesville Saturday afternoon, I was a bit nervous due to the UK game against WV in the Elite Eight, and not knowing how well I'd perform in the race due to my lack of "training" this year.

Saturday night UK plays its worst game of the year...at halftime, I got even more nervous...and by the end I was an emotional wreck. I was glad that we left the Wild Wing Cafe at halftime, or I would've been too hungover Sunday morning for any kind of racing.

After the game, I shift my attention to the race. Thoughts were mainly of the "why the hell are you doing this?" variety. This year I've ridden in a grand total of 1 group ride. Most of my riding has been commuting...although I've taken 2 "extended commutes" to do some loops at Hains Point, I hardly call that training for a race. On top of that, I ran that marathon a week ago. I just didn't want to get dropped...that was the only goal. In a field of 125 Cat 4s, I knew I would have to find a place to hide in the peloton and just survive.

So, I thought about all these things and eventually got to sleep at 1am for a 5am wakeup. I'm pretty obsessive about the weather, so I check 2 weather sources...no rain until 2pm, and temps in the 40s for most of the race. Good...just have to decide what to wear.

Show up with about an hour to go. There are a ton of people there...haven't seen anything like it for a road race. I meet my teammates...nice dudes, no one was too serious talking about how we're going to execute tactic A to get rider B up in position...I liked that. A few of the guys had the same idea as me..."not get dropped" or "get dropped as late as possible in the race."

Decide to leave my jacket in the car.

"Neutral" rollout to the start. A lot of guys going up the left side to jockey for position. I start the rollout in the front 1/3 of the peloton...end up in the back 1/3 at the start. So much for neutral.

First lap is pretty tame. It's a ten mile loop with some tight corners and a few small hills. There was always some acceleration on the hills and out of the turns, but the leaders always seemed to slow down and the pack didn't get strung out too bad.

Lap 2 was a little more interesting as it started to drizzle.

Lap 3, drizzle turned to rain. Roads were slick, made the descents pretty hairy...considering there were potholes (from Snowmaggedon) and loose gravel all over the place. I was surprised there were no accidents.

Started lap 4 still in the peloton, but feeling a bit worn. The accelerations on the hills and turns were starting to take their toll. On the first turn of lap 4, there's a small climb. I lost contact with the pack going up the climb...a lot of riders did. I tried to limit the losses...probably 100ft back from the end of the pack. I then did something I never do...hammer the descent. Was a bit risky in the rain, but my the end of the descent I was back in the pack. I'd have to do this one more time in this lap as I was at my limit. With 1.5k to go, I was still in the peloton. At that point, there's a sharp turn. As the pack rounded the turn, the leaders throttled up the pace for the sprint. I lost contact shortly after the turn. I managed to keep myself about 50m back. As I approached the finish, I see 3 dudes laying on the road...there'd been a crash. So, getting dropped when I did may have been a good thing.

So, after the race, I stop to talk to my teammates. After a couple of minutes we decide to ride back to the car. That stopping was a big mistake. I was shaking the whole ride...thought for sure I'd catch hypothermia during that 2 mile ride to the car. I managed to pack up the car and drive back to the hotel shaking the whole way. Didn't feel right until I took a hot shower.

Overall a good race...happy about not getting dropped until the last minute. Even at my best, I can't sprint. The Jefferson Cup lived up to its "Spring Classic" billing, with cold temps, rain and rough roads through a beautiful countryside.

Garmin Connect - Activity Details for Untitled

National Marathon and peeing in a bottle

2010-03-21T02:36:00.007-10:00

Yesterday we ran the National Marathon in DC.

My job was to make sure Sonya finished in 3:45. I was a domestique of sorts, watching the clock and controlling the pace.

Day got off to a bad start, as we decided to drive to the start. I discovered that there are no signs for the Southeast Freeway when driving from the south. I knew I was going the wrong way, so I exited 395 and recalculated directions...saved by the iPhone. After getting back on course, we hit some thick traffic. With about 40 minutes to race start, I knew we'd be cutting it close. To further compound my stress, the cup of coffee and bottle of water was making its way through my system rather quickly...with nowhere to go, i chugged the rest of the water bottle and decided to use it. The last time I peed in a bottle was a Corona bottle in a Seoul Subway Station back in 2001. It was a wild night on my first weekend in Korea and I didn't know what to do...seemed like a good idea at the time, and it worked. Yesterday's story was a little different...I forgot how to do what seemed easy, and let's just say I ended up with a wet steering wheel.

I eventually made it to the parking lot at 6:45...only 15 minutes to cover a 1/2 mile walk to the start. When I got to the parking lot, I discovered that there was no one there to direct traffic or park cars...pure parking chaos. I ended up going to down a lane that kept narrowing, eventually converging...knowing I'd get stuck, I found a narrow spot next to a tree and parked the car, hitting a few limbs along the way. The Sport Utility Prius came in handy. We parked the car, geared up and ran to the start with 5 minutes to spare. We started in the 7:00 min/mile pace group, which means we were near a lot of 300-pound walkers. Why do runners lie?

We started out with a strong pace...eventually had to tell Sonya to slow it down as we were knocking out 7:50 miles. After about 4 miles, we settled into a comfortable pace. At mile 6, I decided to hit a water station. I looked behind me to make sure I wasn't cutting anyone off, then reached for a cup. Before I got the cup, some dude pushes my hand out of the way and grabs the water for himself. He caught me off guard, so I said, "hey watch it F&^er!"...he mouths something. I told him he didn't need to be pushy, there's plenty of water, and it's not like he's in contention for the win. He continued to mouth something. Feeling powerful, due to the mustache, I tell him my bib number and that if he has a problem, we can settle it after the race. Talking that trash probably wasn't the smartest move, but I knew the guy was full of hot air...like the Fred on the Mount Vernon Trail, and I wasn't in danger of getting my ass kicked...typical DC asshole.

The next 14 miles were pretty uneventful. Although the course not being as flat as advertised, with some pretty long gradual climbs, we kept a strong pace. At mile 20, we were about 4 minutes ahead of our 3:45 pace. At that point, my legs started to feel tired, and I knew that I'd be slowing down...Sonya was feeling good, so I told her to not let me pass her and she'll be fine. I knew I could still make the 3:45:59, but it would be close. She took off, and I settled into a 9:00/mile pace, which felt pretty easy after averaging 8:15s. Ended up finishing at 3:45:30...Sonya kicked my butt with a 3:43. Domestique job was successful. Sonya gets to run Boston next year, which means she'll forever have that blue jacket which she'll wear to every race for the rest of her life, which lets other runners know she's legit. I get to stop running for awhile and enjoy some nice days on the MTB trails.

After the race, celebrated with a kickass meal and great beers at Rustico.

weather

2010-03-16T14:48:00.003-10:00

The weather has sucked lately....Potomac is flooded, trails are all mucked up.

Sunday we went downtown...beat the crowds to see the Cherry Blossoms...ok, nothing's there yet, so this photo is for comparison of what a few weeks can make around here.
Went for a run Monday, a good portion of the Mount Vernon Trail was underwater.
It has been good mustache growing weather however. Here's what I looked like on Day 14.

Sun came out today and it's in the 60s. I'm still metroing, somewhat tapering for the National Marathon this weekend. It's painful to walk back from the metro seeing all the fairweather Freds on their bikes. Today, I took the Epic on a little spin through the neighborhood with the boys. I think no matter how much I beat myself up this Saturday in the marathon, I'm going to make it out for the Baker's Dozen MTB race pre-ride. No time to waste...first road race is next weekend, and first MTB race a few weeks later. Hopefully it will stay dry for awhile.

Fred awakes

2010-03-09T10:07:00.001-10:00

It looks like Spring began to poke its head out this past weekend. Sure enough, the bike path is crowded again. It's nice to see more people out commuting and riding, but most of the time I'm missing those lonely days of 20-degree rides in January.

Most folks know how to ride and obey the rules (both written and unwritten) of the trail and road. Some Fairweather Freds (and Fredettes) throw the rules out the door, endanger the rest of us, while giving us a bad name amongst the driving and walking public. If only the dude at the intersection that had to hit his brakes for the stoplight running Fred thought "oh, that was just a damn Fred!"…instead, he thinks "Jackass cyclist!"

Today was the nicest day of 2010 so-far…that's not saying much, but it was a nice Spring-like crisp morning…perfect riding weather. When I headed out the door, I decided to take an "extended commute" and get a workout with a few laps of Hains Point before rolling into the office. I usually see very few (if any) riders in the first few miles. Today, I got within site of a rider near Duke Street…the most congested area of my ride. I'll call the dude, Fred #1. Fred #1 was riding a beater old road bike and a motley outfit consisting of knickers a sweatshirt and a backpack. This guy ignored pretty much every light and stop sign along Commonwealth Avenue, causing a few cars to make abrupt stops. Fearing backlash from Fred #1, after a few intersections, I purposely slowed down to distance myself.

As I hit the bike path, I noticed that there were quite a few more riders than usual. I found myself continually shouting out "on your left". I also noticed an extra shadow…a wheel sucker, known as Fred #2. I really don't mind someone drafting off me, just tell me you're going to do it…there are too many obstacles (runners, Freds from the other direction riding 2 abreast) to worry about for a paceline on the trail to be a good idea.

I make a quick diversion to Hains Point to get in a few laps before work. When I get there, I see a dude about 50 yards up avec backpack, apparently doing the same thing at a slightly slower pace. After about 4 miles of slowly gaining on the guy, I decide to bridge the gap, say hi and possibly trade pulls with the guy if there's any interest. As I get closer, it looks like he's a legit rider. I say hi…nothing. I'm not the most outgoing guy in the world, but if someone says hi to me, I at least say hey back. Looks like I have a bike snob…Fred #3. If I'm going to be snubbed by a Fred, I'll crush him. So, I did that…dropped the hammer and didn't see the dude again. This guy was more of an annoyance than anything, but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't give the obligatory "on your left" while timetrialing the Mt Vernon like a fair-weather weekend Lance.

So, after 3 laps of Hains, I decide to head to work. This is a little later than my normal ride, so I see a ton of commuters coming in the opposite direction. I pass a few going my way, but not a lot. Eventually I roll off the trail into Rosslyn. One thing I've noticed in this area is that if you see a sign saying "Bicycle Friendly Community", you better take cover when on bike. Arlington is anything but that on its streets. I've seen 2 people hit by cars in this area over the last 6 months and have had a few close calls myself. For that reason, I cautiously roll on the sidewalks for the .4 miles from trail to office. Today, I get behind a couple of AF folks in PT gear in a crosswalk…I slowly attempt to go around them, when a Fredette comes hauling ass sans helmet, threading the needle between me and the AF PTers. She nearly knocks over one of the Airmen, and pushes me into the road with oncoming traffic. She then hits the curb at an odd angle, almost crashing herself. Once she gets going again, I yell at her…she ignores me, then she crosses the path of a few pedestrians, rides through an intersection, running a red light, and finally disappears as she hauls ass down a one way street.

Hopefully the early Spring buffoonery is a result of Fred's over-exuberance to get back on the trails after a tough Winter. I'm hoping he'll settle down, maybe get bored with the riding…maybe realize that there's a code of ethics on the trail…maybe have a close call with a car while running a red light, enough to scare her to not be a menace.

Sunday Ride

2010-03-07T14:48:00.000-10:00

Finally made it out to the NCVC Espresso Ride...the club's last of the year. It's been a real challenge to make it out, since every chance I had to go out, the weather sucked and the ride cancelled. This was also my first group ride in over 7 months. It looked like a 100ish riders made it out today, so a great reintroduction to group riding.

Ride goes through DC and parts of MD. Post-snowmaggedon roads in DC suck, with potholes all over the place. Potholes are an annoyance on a solo or small group ride, but downright dangerous in such a large group. I almost lost it on the way out of Georgetown, narrowly missing a 3ft wide pothole. The ride was fairly tame until about 15 or so miles into it, when we started climbing a fairly short hill...I was sitting towards the back when I noticed the guys up at the front pushing up the pace. I hit the gas and started passing folks on the way up the hill, coming within a few wheels length of a small group of 15 or so riders...took a minute to catch my breath and the hit it again...I narrowly missed latching on to the group and was in no-man's land for awhile. Luckily there was a regroup a mile or so up the road. Ride was uneventful for the next few miles, then a dumbass in a van decided he didn't want to wait behind a group of 100 riders doing the speed limit downhill, so he merged into the group, just in front of me, almost pushing me off the road...nice. I'm not sure what the hurry was all about. A few miles later, the ride split with a group "riding a bit longer", and the rest doing the standard 45-miles...normally, I'd opt for the long ride, but since the "bit longer" wasn't defined for me, and I'm supposed to be tapering for a marathon in 2 weeks, I opted for the planned 45. There were a few sprints that caught me off guard, but I was able to chase and catch those that started the sprint...happy about having a few decent riding skills. I was doubting myself after this long layoff, but have faith that I can finish comfortably "middle of the pack" in the 2 road races I'm signed up for in the next month.

Got the new Garmin Edge, so I'm playing with Garmin Connect...I still haven't mastered the Edge, and kept it running while on the metro...the 55mph reading is when the metro was above ground near National Airport.

Garmin Connect -
Activity Details for Untitled

Lemond's First Ride

2010-03-02T07:07:00.001-10:00

After nearly a month of sitting in the basement, and aside from the occasional trainer "ride", the Lemond has finally hit the streets. Have ridden both days this week. This is the first time since late January, where I've been able to ride on consecutive days.

Here's my commute log since I started working in Northern VA back in September. Hopefully it will stay dry enough for me to rack up some more 400-500 mile months on the commuter route. If I rode every day this month (a 31-day month starting on Monday), I could get a maximum of 598 miles...that won't happen due to leave, but a 400-500 mile month is reasonable. Of course, rain and snow are forecasted for tonight. I should just man-up (it is Mustache March after all, the most manly month of the year) and ride in the rain...but then I'd have to clean the bike. I'm already sitting better than February, and November's numbers are within grasp this week...I'm really just happy to be back on the bike instead of the metro/bus combo.

Sep	424.00
Oct	305
Nov	98.00
Dec	262.00
Jan	312.00
Feb	52.00
Mar	52.00

The Lemond is running smooth...haven't detected any problems with my mechanical skills yet. I was fearing that the crank would fall off somewhere on Eisenhower Avenue, causing me to fall in the middle of angry traffic rushing to the Patent and Trademark Office...those PTO folks can be some angry, aggressive, and distracted drivers.

I also was able to crack open a new toy Monday...the Garmin Edge 500. After years of riding stat-free, or relying on my Garmin ForeRunner (running GPS) which had numerous bike fails, I now have bike dedicated stats. Graphs to follow, once I start downloading.

Mustache March

2010-03-01T13:52:00.003-10:00

It is that time of year again, when bare faced mortals shed their inferior
lifestyles and begin to cultivate their upper lip follicles in the glorious
celebration that is:

Mustache March!!

Aside from growing a 'stache, it's a time to honor the mustached heros of the past:

If you think you can't grow a mustache, you're wrong. Everyone has the power of the mustache inside of them, it's just a matter of believing in yourself. Don't be the guy that makes an excuse. Be the guy that's jamming a mustache no matter what it looks like.

Time to man up!

maps

2010-02-28T03:44:00.002-10:00

The weather may suck, but at least the maps have more variety than they had a year ago.

I have a more interesting loop for track workouts.

D. Stewart

2010-02-27T16:58:00.001-10:00

D. Stewart was another Amazonian who did not like my reviewing style...this one is for some battery operated condom.

11 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

shocked my junk, March 30, 2006

By	S. "strap"

The small battery has been deemed to be safe...au contraire. There was a problem with the battery and the soft rubber casing wore through...it shocked my junk.

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Showing 1-3 of 3 posts in this discussion

Initial post: Oct. 23, 2007 11:10 PM PDT

georgiagirl017 says:

I laughed for about eight minutes when I read this review. Seriously, though...good to know.

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In reply to an earlier post on Jan. 29, 2008 11:37 PM PST

D. Stewart says:

As Strap has littered Amazon with these useless and false reviews, I wouldn't put much credence in his comments.

You replied with a later post

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Your post, in reply to an earlier post on Feb. 1, 2008 10:32 PM PST

S. says:

D. Stewart....the product is useless. that's my point.

Another Review

2010-02-27T16:55:00.003-10:00

These Magnum users take themselves a little too seriously, discussing a review I wrote back in '06

7 of 37 people found the following review helpful:

Wow! I can fit these on my head, June 5, 2006

By	S. "strap"

Who are these made for? Elephants? I highly doubt the most prodigious of woodmen would need a jimmy hat this big. I certainly can't find a human use for them, other than to slip over my head when it's raining. That does a good job, until my hair gets gooey from the lube.

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Initial post: Apr. 23, 2008 7:42 AM PDT

C. Bauer says:

I remember the first time I saw this product in the store, I was esstatic. The magnum's were just way too tight, the XLs fit still tight. Most of my partners never complained of my girth, but like all things there are up and down sides.

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Posted on Apr. 22, 2009 3:59 AM PDT

J. Cambuel says:

Simple rule here: If your penis is closer to 6 inches in circumference buy larger sized condoms. If your penis is closer to or under 5 inches in circumference then buy normal sized condoms.

More From Amazon

2010-02-26T00:58:00.002-10:00

After some more reviewing of my Amazon history, I found another attempt to discredit my condom reviewing by none other than the supersleuth himself, Tym N. He cracked the case on my twisted magnum review:

10 of 17 people found the following review helpful:

A steal!, May 8, 2007

By	S. "strap"

Can you believe it? 12 condoms for $.99...that's insane! Only $.0825 per condom! These are the new maximum love, thin large condoms for those of us with the big junk that likes the sweet sensitive sensations.

Thanks once again condomman!

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Initial post: May 27, 2007 3:57 PM PDT

A customer says:

You should take this guy's word for it, he knows his condoms!

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In reply to an earlier post on Sept. 17, 2008 6:14 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Sept. 17, 2008 6:16 PM PDT

Tym N says:

Very, very wrong.

Don't get worked up by this reviewer's (s. strap's) comments, I'm pretty sure they're fake.

Note his review here: 12 Durex Enhanced Pleasure Condoms, Specially Contoured Condom for Snugger Fit and More Safety

In which he says that the product (Durex Enhanced Pleasure Condoms, Specially Contoured Condom for Snugger Fit) fits loose! Note that this is a condom that was designed to fit tighter than a normal condom.

But look at his review for "Trojan Magnum Large Latex Condoms with Warm Sensations Lubricant, 12-Count Boxes (Pack of 3)." He 'says' that these large size (i.e. magnum) condoms "are a little snug and tight ... if you know what I'm saying."

So the slim, snug-fit condoms are loose but ole strap the stud finds the magnums tight? Yeah, ok.

He also glows about the Okamoto Crown condom, which is smaller than most condoms. If it's ultra thin and smaller than normal, but the larger than normal magnums (which are built like hefty bags) are tight, wouldn't it be dangerous to use these Crowns?

My point: don't be influenced by this guy's reviews. While, as some of them are probably based on actual experience, most of them are utterly contrived, fake, and quite possibly an attempt to defraud customers.

You replied with a later post

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Your post, in reply to an earlier post on Sept. 28, 2008 9:04 AM PDT

S. says:

You should listen to Tym N. He's an expert on fake condom reviews and has foiled my diabolical plot to possibly defraud customers.

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2 of 6 people think this post adds to the discussion.

‹ Previous 1 Next ›

Joys of Working in the City

2010-02-22T07:12:00.001-10:00

Last time I lived here, didn't spend much time in the city on a daily basis. I've been riding the metro since Snowmageddon...usually it's uneventful, but some days are a little more exciting than others. Today was one of those days.

1) At the metro station, I see the cyborg guy again. This time he's getting off the train when I'm getting on...he mumbles something about cyborgs again. Too bad I didn't stick around to get some more info.

2) I learned that the "stand back, doors closing" warning is no-joke. Saw a small woman get stuck halfway through the door. She couldn't wiggle herself free. Just as I was going to pull her free, the doors open and the conductor gives a stern warning over the PA system.

3) Walking to lunch, I see the same guy that's always sitting in front of Starbucks. He makes a different gesture at me every day and silently mouths something. Dude is there every day.

4) Walking back from lunch, I'm stopped by a guy wearing a marine corps stocking hat. He asks me if I'm Air Force, promptly salutes and said "they couldn't get Cheney, 'cause he was on an Air Force base"...he seemed genuinely happy about the fact that "they couldn't get Cheney". He told me that 3 times, and said it again as I walked off. I couldn't tell if he liked Cheney, or he was proud of the Air Force. I really don't know what he meant.

There's some good melting going on today...hope to be back on the bike tomorrow.

Amazon Reviews

2010-02-15T03:31:00.003-10:00

A few years ago, I started reviewing stuff on Amazon, all with the intent to get a high reviewer ranking. A lot of my reviews were not serious, since you could buy a lot of things on Amazon (condoms, blow-up dolls, tanks) that probably didn't warrant a serious review. I was on Amazon today shopping and thought I'd look through some old reviews. I found this exchange on one of my condom reviews. Seems I was causing some trouble amongst some serious condom shoppers:

Trojan Magnum Lubricated Latex Condoms, Large Size Twister 12 ea
Offered by Undercover Condoms
Price: $10.95

Availability: In Stock

8 used & new from $4.89

0 of 19 people found the following review helpful:

Ouch!, November 12, 2007

I should've read the product description a little more closely. These condoms are intentionally twisted. I put them on my junk, then tried to twist it back...needless to say, everything ended up in knots.

All you non-magnum wearers wouldn't know anything about getting it tied up in knots.

Daniel E. Cabral Jr. says:

So, wait, you give the product a negative rating because of your own senselessness?

After you figured out how they're SUPPOSED to work, were they any better/worse than normal Magnums? Did they live up to the "mutual pleasure" aspect they're trying to achieve?

You replied with a later post

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Your post, in reply to an earlier post on Dec. 15, 2007 10:29 PM PST

S. says:

if there was a warning label, then it could be attributed to my own senselessness.

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In reply to your post on Dec. 27, 2007 7:31 PM PST

Daniel E. Cabral Jr. says:

You didn't answer my question, though. Were they any better/worse than normal Magnums AFTER you figured out how they're supposed to work? Did they live up to the "mutual pleasure" aspect they're trying to achieve?

You replied with a later post

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Your post, in reply to an earlier post on Jan. 25, 2008 11:23 PM PST

S. says:

i had pleasure, but i doubt she did...my pleasure lasted about 10 seconds.

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In reply to your post on Jan. 29, 2008 11:15 PM PST

D. Stewart says:

This guy is either just trying to pump up his ego like he really needs Magnums, or he's joking. Either way, ignore him.

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Your post, in reply to an earlier post on Feb. 1, 2008 10:30 PM PST

S. says:

ignore me or Daniel E. Cabral Jr?

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Posted on Sept. 17, 2008 6:02 PM PDT

Tym N says:

Don't get worked up by this reviewer's (S. strap's) comments, I'm pretty sure they're fake.

Note his review here: 12 Durex Enhanced Pleasure Condoms, Specially Contoured Condom for Snugger Fit and More Safety

In which he says that the product (Durex Enhanced Pleasure Condoms, Specially Contoured Condom for Snugger Fit) fits loose! Note that this is a condom that would fit tighter than a normal condom.

But look at his review for "Trojan Magnum Large Latex Condoms with Warm Sensations Lubricant, 12-Count Boxes (Pack of 3)." He 'says' that these large size (i.e. magnum) condoms "are a little snug and tight ... if you know what I'm saying."

So the slim, snug-fit condoms are loose but ole strap the stud finds the magnums tight? Yeah, ok.

He also glows about the Okamoto Crown condom, which is smaller than most condoms. If it's ultra thin and smaller than normal, but the larger than normal magnums (which are built like hefty bags) are tight, wouldn't it be dangerous to use these Crowns?

My point: don't be influenced by this guy's reviews. While, as some of them are probably based on actual experience, most of them are utterly contrived, fake, and quite possibly an attempt to defraud customers.

You replied with a later post

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Your post, in reply to an earlier post on Sept. 28, 2008 9:01 AM PDT

S. says:

Pretty sure they're fake?

Tym N is quite the super sleuth. Excellent detective worky Tymmy! Bravo!

You have busted me in my diabolical plot to defraud customers. Drats!

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Posted on Jan. 6, 2009 1:40 PM PST

Glenn Yates says:

Wow, and I thought I took life too seriously. Compared to the other commenters I'm like Krusty the clown. If you're worried about the veracity of a condom review you might need to chill.

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Torture

2010-02-10T12:33:00.003-10:00

Spent the past 3 days on the trainer...first time since my deployment.

Quite the sufferfest both mentally, emotionally and physically. Workouts are good, but far from enjoyable. But it does kill the time and keeps me in shape.

Just wish I could get out and use some of the new toys I've recently acquired.

Kind've hard to do when there are blizzard conditions. This was a calm part of the day...a big gust of wind picks up at the end. There are about 36" of snow on the ground. It will be a long while before I use the new Specialized Epic.

Snobliteration

2010-02-10T04:39:00.003-10:00

Snoverkill, Snowpocalypse, Snowmageddon, no matter what you call it, it's a pain the ass. I've watched a lot of weather this past week, and have become a fan of Accuweather.com's Jim Kosek.

Here he is before Snowpocalypse:

Slate did a good piece on Jim's weather reporting:

Watching the local news reports on the storm. Reports are all the same. Reporters out on the roads, talking about how bad the roads are, occasionally championing the jackass driving out in whiteout conditions. Why the hell would anyone drive in this stuff?

Snoverkill

2010-02-09T01:06:00.003-10:00

Up at 5:45 am for no reason. No work again today, probably won't work tomorrow...maybe Thursday.

The Washington Post named the impending storm, "Snoverkill." I voted for Snowzilla. I'm still upset Snowpocalypse 2: Electric Boogaloo didn't win last time.

I like snow...love snow. Just wished that it would snow a couple feet one day, I take the kids out to play the next, then it melts that night...and the ground completely dries out. If I got a day off work, that would be a bonus.

Snoverkill is going to dump 8-16" on us according to The Post. NWS is saying 10-20". Accuweather (which is an oxymoron) is predicting a very precise 7.1". Although those are all significant numbers and a big storm by DC standards, they seem small after a Snowpocalypse and Snowmageddon.

To say we've got cabin fever is an understatement. Finished this jigsaw puzzle in no time.

After my effort to get the Lemond running last week, it's sucked that I haven't had a chance to ride it. So, I sent up the trainer and rode for an hour. Things have to be bad for me to ride an indoor trainer.

The trainer is about as satisfying as light beer, so after I got my workout, I had to go outside for a spin. Rode up to Safeway to get a few more groceries in preparation for Snoverkill. Was surprised to find so many people driving. The roads are still shitty and covered in ice/slush/snow/water/ruts. I saw small patches of pavement. I slipped in a rut on a normally busy road...luckily I was sprawled out on the pavement during a slow period. Cars don't cut cyclists any slack here, even during icy conditions. Loaded up my backpack with a few provisions...luckily we didn't need toilet paper or milk, as they were already sold out...and headed back on some residential roads. Dealt with more snow and rougher roads, but less cars made it worth it.

So the snow was beautiful.

And these snow mountains created by Mr. Plow are pretty cool.

But it's time for this to end. My guess is that the melt won't be complete until sometime in March...according to the long range forecast, we won't see 40 degrees until next Thursday.

Pre/Early Snowmageddon ride

2010-02-06T14:05:00.002-10:00

Got out as the snow started to fall. At first I was riding on mainly old snow.

By late afternoon, it was starting to fall fast...made the first tracks on this path, followed up with some good singletrack.
Hard to tell from the pic, but this was a steep hill...quite the challenge in snow.
Ride was perfect for the cyclocross bike.

Now that we've been snowbliterated, there's 20+ inches of snow on the ground. Going to give it another go tomorrow.

Snowpocalypse 2: Electric Boogaloo

2010-02-04T16:22:00.002-10:00

Someone at the Washington Post has too much time on their hands. Debating the name for the upcoming snow storm. We've already had a Snowpocalypse. Looks like this one is Snowmageddon. I personally prefer Snowbliteration, or the more obscure Snowpocalypse 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Snow Commute

2010-02-04T14:24:00.004-10:00

Spent 3 days on the metro this week, on the account of the weather looking like this. I probably couldn't made it to work via bicycle, but didn't attempt as I was afraid of all the crazy drivers on the road portion of my ride.

The roads were cleared pretty quickly, and had I waited a few minutes (after this area was cleared) I could've made it to work using an all-road route. This morning I was determined to ride...temps reached 40 on yesterday, so I thought we'd have some melting. We did, but it was 29 when I headed out to work, and there were several patches of trail that looked like this picture:
For the most part, the ride in was fun. All the slush was frozen, and I had to just keep the bike moving in a straight line to keep it upright. Occasionally I rode off into the snow covered grass when I couldn't get a good line on the path. Sometimes the frozen slush was just too chunky to ride over safely.

I was doing well until I went over a bridge. On the backside, there was a good amount of ice chunks and snow on a hill. Nearer the bottom of the hill, there was some black ice. I knew that I just needed to keep the bike straight, no sudden turns or brakes and I'd safely cross the black ice. As I start down the hill, a dude rides up. I thought he'd have the good sense to yield right of way to the guy descending, which he did. Problem was, he decided to stop and wait at the edge of the black ice...bad move, as it was unavoidable for me to hit the ice, and at that point, I'm at the mercy of my wheels. Sure enough, I slam into the dude, fall over on my hip. I yell at the guy about his bad choice of waiting positions, and luckily got up and rode off without a bruise or broken bone.

Ride home was much better, as it was mainly slush. Tomorrow's Snowmageddon, with 18-24" forecasted. Luckily no work for me. Unlucky for me is that I'll be forced back on to the metro next week, unless the all-road route is cleared. The local governments have spent a lot of money on removal this year...hopefully they still have a little money. I wish I had a 4-wheeler and a plow, so I could clear the bike path.

cyborgs and androids on the metro

2010-02-01T04:18:00.001-10:00

Snow on a Saturday is good for nothing, other than a full afternoon of sledding.

There was not enough to keep even the non-essentials home on Monday, but just enough to make the bike path slick, forcing me onto the metro.

On the positive end, I got to read more of my book, Descent into Chaos, which I've now checked out from the library for a second time. My only extended reading time is on the metro. Hopefully I'll finish today.

Reading was interrupted as I was waiting for an extraordinarily long time to transfer at the Pentagon station. A guy next to me appeared to be on his cell phone. Normally, I can ignore the conversations and the temptation to eavesdrop. But, I heard something about cyborgs that made me want to listen. In a low, conspiratorial voice, he was going on and on about the cyborgs and androids. He talked in much detail about the cyborgs and never slowed down, as if he was an expert on the subject. I couldn't make him out word for word due to his low volume and all the other random noises which fill an underground metro station, but I also heard him talk about androids. That really got my attention, as I was convinced he was on the phone talking to George Noory of Coast to Coast AM about a cyborg/android conspiracy. He said something about water supply, and I knew this was full blown conspiracy talk.

After 10 minutes of waiting, my train finally comes. The dude gets into the same car, and stands right next to me. At this point, I get a better look. He's holding a hand to his ear like he's on the phone. He's still going on, and it appears that some of this conversation is looping. I'm beginning to think this is more of an external monologue, as he's making no effort to end the conversation before the train leaves (no cell service underground once the train leaves the station). Sure enough, he keeps up the talking. He mentions dinosaurs, the water supply and Mars. I could only make out one full statement , "the androids in the camouflage uniforms are allowed 9-10,000 dependents."

I was a little frustrated that I couldn't bike in this morning, but at least the metro ride was entertaining today. I have no idea what this guy was talking about, but it sure was interesting. Too bad he wasn't just a tad bit louder. I wish I had the balls to ask him a question.

Lemond Part 2

2010-01-31T13:14:00.002-10:00

In May, I disassembled my Lemond.

Couldn't find a reasonably priced shifter on eBay. I lost many a bid over the next 6 months.

In November, a good set of Ultegra shifters showed up on Craigslist. I immediately contacted the owner and purchased the next day. Seems this young man caught the Fixie bug, and wanted no part of shifting and braking. He must've really hated the idea of varying gears and safely stopping the bike, he gave me the shifters for about half the lowest price I saw on eBay.

Although I really wanted to build this bike up as a winter/commuter ride, I drug my feet...probably because I've never mastered the art of installing cables. A few weeks ago, I finally purchased new cables and housing. With the crappy weather this weekend and a bad case of cabin fever, I finally installed them. Armed with Zinn and the Art of Road Bike Maintenance, I went to work. It wasn't as bad as I thought. Good thing out of this project, I was able to learn a lot more about bike maintenance and assembly.

This should keep me off the metro on the days I don't want my good bikes to get wet. All I need now is for the ice to melt.

Great Falls

2010-01-28T17:01:00.003-10:00

Before moving to DC, I was afraid that my days of riding year round were over. Managed to knock out 400+ miles this month. Most of it was commuting, and most of it was damn cold. I learned how to gear up and for the most part I've stayed very cozy on the bike.

Due to all the shitty weekend weather, was only able to get 3 non-commute rides in...first was a "racing skills clinic" with my new team. It was good to get out and spin for awhile, but I would've much rather been able to go out during a regular ride.

2nd ride was with Carter on the bike path...good times, until the Fred assault.

On Sunday, joined my adventure race teammate for a ride on the C&O Canal Towpath. Of all the years I lived in the area, I'd never touched this route on bicycle. We picked a slightly rainy January day to give it a go.

I was covered in mud by the end of the ride. Cross bike was definitely the way to go.

Great views from the overlook at Great Falls. The Potomac was raging on Sunday.

When Nerds Ruled the Net

2010-01-26T15:23:00.002-10:00

When I arrived at college in the early 90s, I had limited experience using a computer. I had a couple of classes my junior and senior year using non-networked 286s running MS-DOS. The term "Internet" was foreign to me, as well as most of my peers.

My first semester, I had a class programming in FORTRAN. This class required me to spend long hours in the computer lab using a local network called UK PRIME. It was unix-based (I think) and connectivity to the outer Internet was difficult unless you understood a complex vocabulary of command prompts. Nevertheless, through all my time trying to program, I learned this vocabulary from nerds in the lab. I quickly learned how to "telnet" to other networks, how to determine the true identity of a user ID (finger), how to "ping" an IP address, how to chat in a local chatroom (all full of nerds discussing Star Trek, programming, and other nerdy topics), and a bulletin board system.

Once I discovered the bulletin board, I knew I was stepping into the realm of the Nerd. The most active BB topic was Star Trek. As a dedicated Star Wars fan (this was years prior to the new incarnation of shitty Star Wars movie), I decided to jump in the fray and insult the Star Trek fans. Using the handles Han and Chewie (never claimed to not be a nerd, just a more discriminating nerd), a friend and I proceeded to spam (a term I learned after the fact) the nerds with posts ridiculing the Trekkies and championing our beloved 'Wars. This is where I learned some basic 'netiquette', such as ALL CAPS=YELLING and the concept of a "Flame War."

The chat program was quite popular amongst the nerds in the lab. You'd see 4 or 5 nerds sitting next to each other in the lab chatting in the same room. Topics were generally nerdy. This is where I learned that one could "hook up" on the net, when the guy in the dorm room next to me met a nerd chick in one of the rooms and invited her over for some nerd sex. I thought nothing of it at the time, other than it's nice that the nerds have a place where the nerd guys can talk to the nerd girls and they can get together. Little did I know this nerd-man-whore and nerd-harlot would evolve into the freaks looking for sex on Craigslist.

So, by the time I graduated, the net evolved into something much bigger with the advent of the World Wide Web. Now, you didn't need to be a nerd that understood a complex series of command prompts to find information or communicate. The keyboard became less important than the mouse. You did not need to be literate to do damage with a computer and an Internet connection. As processors became faster, cost went down and the hoi polloi came online. That's when it all started to go wrong...high speed Internet, smart phones and ultimately Facebook came along to virtually destroy the nerd domain.

After a day of challenging Facebook statuses fueled by ignorance, I long for the days when the nerds ruled the net.

Encounters with Freds (Rant)

2010-01-23T13:57:00.004-10:00

Today, I took Carter out to get him used to riding his new mountain bike. This is first ride without coaster brakes and with gears, so I wanted a nice easy place to help him acclimate. I decided on the Mt Vernon trail south of Old Town.

I ride the Mt Vernon almost every day north of Old Town on my commute...at 7 am and 5pm, all I ever really encounter are other commuters, a few runners and the occasional tourists cruising up to DC. Something I must've forgot in my years away from DC is that on nice weekend, the path becomes the Fred Superhighway. You can't go 30 seconds without seeing a faux-Lance in a USPS or Discovery Channel jersey. (No one would be caught dead in an Astana jersey, as it is basically a Kazakh national team, and Lance wasn't the real team leader anyway. No self-respecting cyclist or posing hipster will wear a color representing another country, unless of course that country is Italy.) You also got quite a few folks doing their Fred intervals on the trail, hauling ass getting frustrated when there's anyone in their way, and too busy to indicate to anyone that they're passing. These are the Freds I had a problem with today.

Before we started the ride, I briefed Carter on the basics of trail etiquette...it's pretty simple at his level, stay on the right and say "on your left" before you pass anyone. Of course, a 5 year old's mind (thus his wheel) often wanders, and it takes some reminding to keep him on course. For that reason, I'd hoped the Freds would follow trail etiquette.

Within a minute of starting our ride, the first Fred passes us, not a word. As he passes, I tell him he should announce his presence. On the work end of his Fred interval, he doesn't hear me. Within the next 3 minutes, 3 more pass...same thing. When the 5th Fred passes me, he hears me say, "could you please say 'on your left'...I'm trying to teach my 5 year old how to ride this bike, and he may veer over into the left lane"...he screams "I DID"...I told him that I didn't hear anything, he should be louder. He immediately stops his bike, jumps off and yells "LISTEN PRICK!". I told him to calm down and ride safe, and ask him if he thinks it's appropriate to use that language in front of a 5 year old. (I'm extremely proud of myself at this point, exercising some restraint in front of Carter, speaking in a calm voice...I did immediately size the Fred up before he even got the word "Prick" out...I could take him.) He yells more and more, then calls me a "piece of work"...then I laughed, telling him that he's the one that needs to do something about his anger management issues.

So, we continue to ride. Carter asks me what happened, and what was wrong with the guy. Countless Freds pass us without as much as a "on your left", many of them were wearing earphones, presumably because they saw Lance warming up on his trainer with an iPod, or maybe they're having imaginary conversations with a mythical Johan Bruyneel in their Fred teamcar. Who knows.

This brings me to the age old philosophical question: If a Fred yells 'on your left' on the bike path and no one hears him, is he still a d-bag? The guys claim that he said it is worthless...the point is we didn't hear him, so he was as good as silent.

My view of a bike path is that it has its place, and "serious training" is not one of them. Here are the uses of a bike path:

1) Commuting...keeps the cyclists out of the main thoroughfares, makes the cars happy and the commute stress free for everyone.

2) Recreational "cruising"...this is for the folks that don't normally ride a bike that may not be comfortable on the road to get a chance to ride. On the Mt Vernon Trail, this amounts to a lot of tourist riding.

3) Family rides...bike paths should be a good place to teach kids how to ride in a non-threatening environment, especially when you live in the city. You shouldn't have to worry about a Fred doing intervals on the path that's too much into his ride to wait for a slow kid that is not keeping a straight line

4) Getting from point A to point B...if you're trying to get to a ride on the road, and the path is a good way to get there, by all means take it. But, you shouldn't plan on doing the main part of your workout on the path. The speed limit is 15 mph.

The bottom line is that the speed limit is only 15 mph for a reason. Timetrialing Freds and other bike path heros should take the time to say "on your left" or not pass when there are riders/walkers/runners passing each other in opposite directions. We had another run in as we passed a walker in the opposite direction, and a Fred tried to pass between us...why did he feel the need to 'thread the needle'? We don't know each other, and I don't trust your bike handling skills. There's no reason for you to come within 6 inches of hitting me. What's so important that you couldn't wait until the congestion passed?

So, I can't wait for the mountain bike trails to thaw out and dry. There are less Freds out there, and I've yet to have a problem taking Carter out on the trail. In my experience, most mountain bikers think it's pretty cool to see kids out on the trails and go out of their way to leave you plenty of room or even talk to you out on the trail. Freds on the paved trail are too busy playing Lance to show any politeness.

Ahhh...glad to get that all out.

Green Flash Trippel

2010-01-21T13:29:00.001-10:00

Sweet!

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Double Bastard 2009

2010-01-20T12:18:00.001-10:00

Intense!

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Bacon abuse

2010-01-16T12:28:00.001-10:00

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Raging Bitch

2010-01-09T14:14:00.001-10:00

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On Tuques

2010-01-08T14:33:00.002-10:00

From 1998-2003, weightlifting was my primary means of fitness....I knew the lingo, was familiar with the fashion, knew the etiquette. Overall, I felt pretty comfortable in the gym.

After several years of not lifting weights, I recently decided to use my Gold's Gym membership and lift a little. I know that if I avoid the gym for much longer, I'll develop permanent bitch tits and will have a hell of a time working those off when I hit 40. Plus, I have a lot of free time at work, it's too cold to head out to Hain's Point for the lunch time ride, and I can only run the Mt Vernon trail so many times before it gets boring.

So, I'm easing back into the gym by:

1) Avoiding peak hours...really don't want to "work in" with a guy who's benching 300 lbs while I'm struggling with 115

2) Starting with only Nautilus machines, slowly integrating free weights

3) Limiting the workouts to about 30-40 minutes so I'm not too sore.

Yeah, if I had a time machine in 2000, and fast forwarded to 2010, I'd definitely kick my 2010 ass. Good thing I'm a much faster runner now than in 2000, so I'd make a quick getaway.

One thing I'm not up to speed on is the current gym culture and attire. The music hasn't changed much (mainly rap), but the attire has changed significantly. Back in the day, folks were functional attire only. Most dudes had some sort of cut up sleeveless shirt and basic shorts. Today I noticed guys are making more of a fashion statement with clothes that don't seem to be all that functional. There were about 5 other guys in the free weight area today...none of them were working out together, but they all looked basically the same, wearing:

1) Extra long shorts...looked like board shorts

2) Ed Hardy Shirts

3) Tuques

I'm not sure why they all were sporting the Tuque. Did some rapper or NFL star wear a tuque in the gym? Are they all paying umbrage to The Edge? What's the function of the Tuque in a heated gym? Does your head get cold when your squatting more than 100 lbs? Can a skinny guy like me get away with wearing a tuque in the gym? Is not wearing a tuque similar to riding a bicycle in gym shorts and sneakers? Am I a Gold's Gym Fred?

First ride of 2010

2010-01-05T06:48:00.001-10:00

Due to the snowpocalypse and a week off work, today was my first ride since December 18th. Temp was 25, wind chill was in the single digits, there was some light snow and the river was full of ice chunks. Still stayed warmer than yesterday waiting at the bus stop.

Beers of the Year

2009-12-31T10:01:00.003-10:00

It's the end of the year, and time for Top 10 lists. Last year I was more scientific using the PQ scale to rate the beers. This year I've used the PQ less frequently. I've also been buying some more expensive beers, and feel that rating the beers independent of price would be appropriate.

1) Troeg's Mad Elf--holiday ale. It will be a long wait for the 2010 holiday season. I wish I stocked up on this while I could find it in stores.

2) Sierra Nevada Harvest--hoppy, fresh tasting...a gourmet version of their regular pale ale.

3) Ommegang Abbey Ale--first sampled on draft at Tacchino Ciclocross (which I'd rate as #1 race of the year if I was rating races)

4) Dogfish Head Punkin Ale--great seasonal offering from one of my new favorite brewers. Just a hint of pumpkin taste.

5) Anchor Porter--I love a good porter, and this is a porter's porter.

6) Blue and Gray Minor Dementia--opened up a growler of this for Christmas, and plan on opening another tonight. This is some potent stuff with a great complex taste that's hard to describe...one glass of this nearly knocked me out. Blue and Gray's best beer by far...too bad it's a limited edition.

7) Monks Blood--sampled this the other night on draft. A Belgian-style Christmas ale from 21st Amendment brewery. Was a perfect thing to drink on that 25 degree night before a long cold walk to the subway.

8) Founders Breakfast Stout--A meal in a glass...coffee, maple syrup, pancakes, chocolate.

9) Ommegang Three Philosophers--A great quadrupel from Ommegang.

10) Dogfish Head 90 Minute IPA--a high gravity IPA...great taste, hops aren't over the top, plus it's much more affordable than their 120 minute

Cask Ale (finally)

2009-12-31T09:49:00.002-10:00

Finally got some ale fresh from the cask this week. It seems like every beer joint I've been in lately that advertises cask ale "just emptied" their last cask. Taking that statement at face value, I concluded that beer from the cask must be some really good stuff, worth the effort I put forth in tracking it down.

When I finally found the cask, I tried 2 beers, Brooklyn Bitter and Oliver's Pagan Porter (w/Vanilla Beans). The natural carbonation gives the beer a less fizzy mouthfeel, and is supposed to accentuate the beer's natural flavors.

The Brooklyn Bitter lacked any flavor, despite the bitter name it was quite tame. This reminded me of my homebrew pre-bottling (and pre carbonation)...not something I could drink every day. I'm not a huge fan of fizzy beers, even though a Korean man once gave me a full discourse on why Korean beer is better than American beer...more bubbles. I checked the Hite and Cass website, and confirmed this Korean belief...the website explained the more fizz = more flavor theory in somewhat of a scientific way with several graphs and charts. This was all in Korean, so I deduced the preceding by looking at the graphs, charts and pictures.

Oliver's Pagan Porter was much better. At first taste, this is a typical porter...somewhat creamy, bold flavors...but without the carbonated kick at the end. The vanilla smell was quite strong. After finishing the beer, the glass smelled more like an empty bowl of vanilla ice cream rather than a pint glass.

Overall, the cask chase was somewhat of a let-down. I'll continue to try cask ales. I have a feeling that I haven't found the right beer yet. Now that I've found my cask source, I'll be back.

Santa's Private Reserve

2009-12-24T14:46:00.003-10:00

We left this out for Santa tonight.

Different from all the other winter beer's I've been sampling this year. It's hella hoppy, several different kinds of hops. On top of the hops, I'm getting a pine tree vibe, but not as overpowering as that rotten pine tree juice I was tasting in that Anchor beer last night. This was a good diversion from my current Belgian kick. A-

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Christmas Eve, Eve Beers

2009-12-24T02:49:00.003-10:00

2 days before Christmas and I realized that I still have quite a few holiday beers that have gone untasted. Also, on an impromptu trip to Whole Foods on Monday I added to the stockpile.

Here they are:

Delirium Noel--at $9 something a 25 oz bottle, this isn't a cheap beer. Delirium's been brewing in Belgium since the 1600s. I've had another Delirium offering several years ago, but haven't tried it lately. I've been eyeing the bottle for awhile..the white bottle sticks out in a sea of amber bottles (I don't consider anything in a green bottle to be real beer). A nice amber pour, somewhat fizzy, but surprisingly doesn't taste overly carbonated...sweet, tasted some oranges in there and the standard Christmas spices. Well balanced...a Christmas beer done right. Still not as good as Troeg's Mad Elf, which is a bit tastier and a fair amount cheaper. A-

Starr Hill's The Gift--Someone on beer advocate said this had a biscuity taste, so I had to go out and get some biscuit beer. If it truly is biscuity, this would be a great breakfast beer. I just need some of the gravy flavored Jones soda to go with it, and I'd have the perfect Southern breakfast in liquid form. Alas, like most beer reviews, this guy was full of shit. I never taste the bubble gum, venison, or bananas these guys always claim are in the beers. Maybe it's because some Air Force doctor severed a nerve when he was pulling out my wisdom teeth, leaving my tongue numb for the past 10 years. Anyhoo, I enjoyed this Winterbock nonetheless. Nothing really special here, just a good dark lager...a good session beer for when it's cold outside.

Anchor's Christmas Ale--good on its own. I tried one Monday night. It has quite a few spices...cinnamon, nutmeg, fermented Christmas tree...that gave it an interesting taste. At this tasting, it was a solid B. Tried it again Tuesday night after drinking the Delirium and a Starr Hill and it nearly made me sick. I felt like I was drinking straight up Christmas tree juice...high calorie Christmas tree juice that was making me feel bloated. I barely choked it down, and if there wasn't something morally wrong with pouring out a beer, I would've done it...this is definitely not a session beer.

Aloha

2009-12-21T12:56:00.001-10:00

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sledding

2009-12-21T02:54:00.003-10:00

Carter and I were the only sledders Saturday morning. The snow was coming down pretty hard, and the wind was howling. The first sled is one of our homemade jobs. Not shown is my duct tape and cardboard masterpiece. It worked much better than the plastic lid.

Snowstorm

2009-12-21T02:46:00.002-10:00

18+ inches of snow.

We were well-stocked with beer, but forgot the bourbon. Tried to ride to the ABC store during the heaviest part of the storm. I didn't fare too well.

After a good plowing, the roads were much better. Made the 3 mile roundtrip Sunday, hitting a few slick spots. It was a struggle to stay upright in some of the slush.

Just read that the bike trails are not plowed during snow storms. I'll either perfect my slush riding, or spend a lot of days on the metro in the coming weeks.